Brilliant Disguise
by momentary-ecstasy
Summary: Summer drags Marissa to a halloween party in LA where she runs in to Alex and Alex's new girlfriend. How will she react?
1. Chapter 1

Sudden inspiration struck on Halloween. So Happy Halloween and enjoy

* * *

"C'mon Seth!" Summer called from the door of the bathroom. She walked back into Seth's bedroom where Marissa and Ryan were sitting on the bed already in costume. Ryan tossing his fedora in the air, his Blue Brother's outfit almost completely matching the movie and Marissa on the other hand had to be dragged out of her room and Summer almost had to force the costume on her. The costume which consisted of a black hoodie with a skeleton's torso screened onto it was pulled out of the bottom of Marissa's closet by Summer and was the only Halloween-esque thing Marissa was wearing.

Summer in usual fashion was dressed as an angel in a short white cocktail dress and a halo made of sparkling garland over her head with white, glittery eye shadow completing the look.

"I swear he takes longer than I do to get ready," Summer adjusted her dress.

"I'm ready," Seth stood in the doorway. A uniform eyebrow raise crossed the room. Seth had a paid of bulky goggles on his forehead and a was wearing a white coat that buttoned up on the left side with white gloves and white rubber boots.

"Who are you supposed to be?" Summer raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe this will refresh your memory," he smiled and let out what was supposed to be a stereotypical evil laugh. When there was silence from his three comrades, he rolled his eyes, "C'mon. Have anyone of you heard of Dr. Horrible? And his Sing-A-Long blog?" Again there was silence, "Seriously, get some culture people."

"Whatever," Summer picked up the keys on the nightstand, "C'mon we're going to be late."

Ryan stood and followed Summer, then Marissa sulked after them. Seth grabbed Captain Oats who was wearing a black mask over his eyes and then followed them.

"This is supposed to be the biggest party in LA," Summer said looking over the invitation.

"How did we get invited?" Ryan asked from the driver's seat.

Summer put the invitation in her purse, "I ran into the guy that was throwing it while I was shopping in LA. It turns out his sister is best friends with my hairstylist."

"Small world," Seth added.

Marissa hadn't said anything so far. She didn't mind being dragged along, she just didn't want to have to interact and so far it was going according to her plan.

About half an hour later, the GPS told them to turn down a driveway. Ryan followed the direction and in front of them stood a house bigger than all of their houses put together. There were fake cobwebs, skeletons, and lights all over the place. There was a line of cars along the half circle driveway and a valet crew on the front steps of the mansion.

Once they were at the front, Ryan handed off the keys to the valet and they all got out. At the door, they were stopped by two burly security men. Summer handed off the invitation and they were all given bright orange wristbands.

Inside, there was a seat of bodies, some milling around, others dancing to the sounds coming from the DJ that was set up on a second floor balcony facing the crowd.

"This is so cool!" Summer looked around at the pulsing lights and all the costumes.

Marissa, deciding that she needed to drink in order to tolerate the music, walked to where the kitchen looked to be, leaving the other's behind. She saw that there were at least fifteen kegs stacked along one wall of the kitchen. She headed to the one that had already been tapped and filled a red plastic cup.

After she had downed an entire cup of beer, she refilled and decided to find someplace quieter. As she walked out of the kitchen, she saw a set of open doors to lead outside. People were milling in and out, but considerably less people than who were going in and out of the door to the living room.

Outside she sat there was a massive lighted pool that instead of the standard blue was an eerie green with tea lights floating along the surface. There was a different DJ outside that was playing music with a slower tempo than the one inside.

Marissa found a lawn chair to sit in and watch people while she downed her beer. She went to the kitchen to get a refill twice before Summer found her.

"C'mon drunky," Summer pulled Marissa up, "We're going to another party."

"Great," Marissa tossed her cup into a nearby trashcan, "There's no liquor here."

It was a short drive to the new party although at this point Marissa had lost all sense of time. They got out at a much smaller house, but it looked like there were the same amount of people there. The house was much older. A small blue two story house with a wrap around porch in a more modest neighborhood.

Summer bounced through the door with Dr. Horrible and a Blues Brother behind her. The half skeleton ambled in behind them in her own time.

It wasn't long before Marissa was mixing her drinks in the kitchen. Someone asked her for something and she readily made it, soon she'd become the impromptu bartender.

Marissa saw Ryan walk through the kitchen with a redhead. They looked pretty friendly, but Marissa didn't care. Ryan wasn't hers and she sure as hell didn't want him. At this point she just wanted to be left alone.

She handed off the bartending duties to the next person who walked up and took her own drink up the stairs. There was a living room up the stairs that was fairly crowded. It was the only room with music on in it. She started talking to a guy that was dressed in a toga and a girl dressed in a batman costume from the kids' department, her dark brown hair cascaded around her shoulders and her dark eyes sparkled.

As it turned out batgirl's name was Parker and toga guy was an 'actor' from Cleveland. Marissa, Parker, and toga guy went back downstairs to get more liquor and then went out to the pool. When they got there Parker smiled, "Hey there's my girlfriend." She pointed to a girl standing at the opposite side of the pool. Parker took Marissa's hand and started walking toward, "She's great. You'll love her."

Marissa chuckled as Parker pulled her along. The bubbly girl was starting the lighten her perpetual dark mood.

"Hey hot stuff!" Parker called from a few yards away from a small group of people. A girl wearing a pink miniskirt and strappy heels. When the girl turned around the white muscle shirt had 'Harbor' spelled crookedly on the front with one of the 'r's backwards. Fake blood littered the shirt which explained the prop in the young woman's hand of a fake knife with a replica of a human heart stuck on the end. When Marissa saw the girl's face she took a step back nearly falling into the pool.

"Hey baby," Parker kissed the girl, "I just brought my new friend over to meet you. I think you two will totally hit it off."

A few seconds of silence followed as Marissa tried to regain control of her vocal chords, while the young woman was just as stunned.

Not realizing the reason for the silence, Parker introduced them, "Marissa this is my girlfriend Alex. Babe, this is my new friend Marissa."

Alex was the first one to regain the luxury of speech. "Nice costume."

Marissa immediately looked down at the hoodie she was wear, which used to belong to the blonde standing in front of her. "Uh…thanks." She looked Alex up and down again, "What are you supposed to be?"

Alex looked at her own costume briefly before halfway hiding the fake knife behind her back and answering, "Um…you."

The taller girl wasn't sure if she was insulted or slightly amused. She didn't have time to decide because Parker was speaking again.

"Whoa, wait," she directed her words to Alex, "That's _the_ Marissa."

Alex bit her lip and nodded.

"Small world," Parker looked between them. After a beat, she added, "Well since no one is saying anything I think we have three choices. One, Marissa and I can go finish our conversation on the 1970s counterculture. Two, Alex and I can go make out in her Jeep. Or three, I can go find some vodka and leave you two in this awkward silence." She paused looking between them. "Vodka it is." Parker walked back into the house.

"I, uh…what are you doing here?" Alex asked.

Marissa wrapped her hand around her elbow, "Summer dragged us up here."

"Us?" Alex urged, "You, Seth, and Ryan?"

"Yeah," the brunette shrugged, "I don't really hang out with anyone else."

The blonde nodded, "Uh…well I'm sorry about the costume." She looked down at her shoes and then the Converse Marissa was wearing.

"It's okay," Marissa ran her fingers through her hair, "I basically dressed as you."

"Yeah," Alex put her free hand in the pocket of her miniskirt, "Weird."

"Mhmm, weird," Marissa nodded. She rocked back and forth on her heels. "So…you and Parker?"

Alex looked out at the pool, "Yeah."

The Newpsie scratched the back of her neck, "How long?"  
The blonde raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry, it's none of my business," Marissa shook her head and put her hands in the pockets of her hoodie, "I'm going to go get a drink."

Blue eyes just watched her as she took a few steps backward. Suddenly, Alex jumped forward and grabbed Marissa's waist. The shock cause Marissa's breathing to shallow and Alex was slow to let go.

"I, um," Alex tried to reign in the words tumbling out of her mouth, "You were about to fall into the pool." She took a step back and smoothed out Marissa's shirt, "Sorry."

"Thank," Marissa automatically answered and looked behind herself seeing that she was mere centimeters from falling into the pool, "So I'll see you around?"

"Yeah…sure," the shorter girl answered and walked back into the house and into the crowd, her miniskirt swaying behind her.

Marissa expelled a breath before also heading back inside to get another drink.


	2. Chapter 2

Later, Parker pulled Alex into the kitchen to get a drink. While Parker poured their drinks, Alex looked over at the heart on the end of her fake knife, "We did really good on this heart."

"I did make an 'A' in anatomy last semester," Parker rounded the counter and put her hands on Alex's hips.

Alex smiled, "Yeah because I helped you study."

Parker kissed Alex and pulled away, "There's no one else's body I would have rather studied."

The blonde chuckled and kissed Parker again. Just as they were getting into it, a voice stopped them. "Alex?"

Alex pulled away and looked at the voice. When she saw who it was she smiled, "Hey Seth."

"No way," Parker beamed, "You're Dr. Horrible."

"Finally!" Seth put his hands in the air, "This an smart young lady you have here Alex."

"Why thank you," Parker chuckled, "I'm Parker."

"Seth," Dr. Horrible shook her hand.

"Can you hold my drink?" Alex asked Parker, "Thanks." She kissed her girlfriend's drink and took off in search of the bathroom.

"So," Parker turned back to Seth, "Are Alex's friend from work or UCLA?"

"UCLA?" Seth asked, surprised, "She goes to UCLA?"

Parker nodded, "So you're her friend from work?"

Seth shook his head, "I knew her from Newport."

"Oh," the dark headed girl took a sip of her drink, "So you're here with Marissa?"

He nodded, "Uh…who is Alex dressed as?"

"Marissa," Parker nodded, uncomfortable.

Seth picked up Alex's prop off of the counter, "That explains this." He looked it over, "Nice detail work."

"Thanks," Parker offered.

"So do you know Alex from work or UCLA?" Seth asked.

"UCLA," she answered, "We had Organic Bio together."

"Wow," Seth nodded, "Good for Alex."

Alex came out of a bathroom and ran into someone near the bottom of the stairs. Her hands immediately went to the girl's waist. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," the girl turned around, "Oh hey Alex!"

"Summer," Alex knew that she should have known that Summer was here. Where there was Seth there was usually Summer and where there was Summer there was usually Marissa and where there was Marissa…

"Hey Summer, have you seen Marissa?" he emerged from the crowd.

"Ryan," Alex stated. He looked at her from behind his shades and froze. She sighed and walked off.

When she got to the front porch, she bummed a cigarette and looked out into the cold night. Her miniskirt wasn't affording her much insulation. Deciding that she needed to sit. She walked to the stairs that went down the sidewalk and saw that someone was already sitting there.

Alex put the cigarette to her lips and inhaled deeply before saying, "Your boyfriend is looking for you."

Marissa looked up at Alex and then turned back to the street, "He's not my boyfriend." She took a drink of the half empty bottle of vodka Alex didn't see in her lap.

"Can I get a drink of that?" Alex asked.

Marissa soundlessly handed the bottle over and Alex took a swig. She rest it on the railing of the porch and sat next to Marissa. She knew Marissa like she was now. She knew the alcoholic Marissa. She knew reclusive Marissa, and moody Marissa probably better than anyone else. She had been with Marissa 24/7 for a while and she was the only one paying close attention.

Alex watched people walked down the street and parents steer their children away from the house with the party. When she was done with her cigarette she tossed it to the ground and looked at Marissa, "If you're even in LA again drop by the bar I work at." Alex pulled a card out of the pocket of her miniskirt and handed it to Marissa. Then she walked off and Marissa didn't see her for the rest of the night.

When the rest of her group was ready to go Marissa was almost already passed out, leaning on the railing of the porch. Ryan picked her up and put her in the backseat knowing that he'd done this way too many times.

They almost got Marissa into her bedroom before Julie appeared in the doorway. Ryan was putting Marissa in bed and Summer was taking off her jacket.

"What's going on?" the eldest Cooper put her hands on her hips.

The three teenagers looked wide eyed at Julie. Summer was the only one brave enough to speak, "Marissa doesn't feel well."

Julie walked over to the bed and surveyed her daughter. "How much did she drink?"

"We don't know," Summer answered, "She took off and we found her like that."

After a few seconds of silence, Julie walked to the closet and started digging around, "If you care about Marissa you'll help me find all the alcohol she had hidden in this room because she's going to rehab first thing in the morning."

"Rehab?" Summer asked, "What about school?"

"She'll have a tutor at the rehab center," Julie answered, pulling out a bottle of Everclear from behind a box of shoes. Summer pulled Marissa's flask out of her purse and Seth found some tequila under the bed.

After all the alcohol was gone, Julie ushered Ryan, Seth, and Summer out of the house before making a few phone calls.

Marissa woke up a few times in the night to run to the bathroom and puke. The last time she was emptying her stomach, Julie walked into her room with car keys in her hand. She went to the closet and threw some clothes into a bad. She was still in the closet when Marissa walked back in and fell into the bed.

"Get up," Julie walked out of the closet, "We're leaving."

"No," Marissa groaned and crawled back into the bed.

Figuring this would happen, Julie walked over to the iHome and turned it on. "God Save The Queen" by the Sex Pistols blasted out of the speakers. Marissa groaned and tried pulling a pillow over her head, but it didn't help. She finally gave up and stormed out of her room pulling the hoodie she wore from the night before on as she left.

Julie turned off the music and followed Marissa who had stormed all the way out to the car. Marissa didn't know where they were going, but she didn't want to have to be tortured anymore.

Julie placed the bag in the backseat of the car and got in, pulling out of their driveway as Marissa passed out again.

When Julie looked over at Marissa she felt like a failure. She couldn't help or stop her daughter from trying to destroy herself and Julie couldn't figure out why Marissa was trying. Her big sunglasses were dark enough to hide the tears in her eyes. This was her last resort and she didn't know what she was going to do if this didn't work.

Luckily, Marissa slept hour it took to get to the rehab center. Julie was able to check Marissa in while she was asleep and put her bag in Marissa's new room. One of the counselors went with Julie out to the car.

They were able to rouse Marissa enough to tell her what was going on before the younger Cooper flew into a screaming fit.

"I can't believe you'd do this!" Marissa yelled at her mom while the counselor was trying to corral her into the facility. "You're just going to abandon me here?! When things get too tough you're just going to get rid of me?! Like you did to Kaitlin?!"

Julie couldn't stand to hear anymore so she got into her car and stared straight ahead until Marissa was inside.

Once inside, Marissa quieted down considerably. She surveyed the wood paneled walls and the deep green carpet. The inside looked more like a hunting lodge than a rehab center.

"Let me show you to your room," the counselor smiled at her. He was average in every way imaginable. Average height, average weight, average looks. His suit wasn't the cheapest material ever, but it wasn't what Marissa was used to in Newport.

"Where is this place?" Marissa asked, when they stopped in front of a wooden door marked 136.

"This is the Mayfield Rehabilitation Center in Los Angeles," he answered and opened the door. The room was small and nearly barren. A twin bed with a matching desk and chair were the only furniture in the room. The window was small and depressing.

"This is your room for the next nine weeks," he told her, "The TV room is down the hallway." Marissa walked in to the room while he talked and paced the perimeter, "Breakfast is between eight and nine, lunch between noon and one, and dinner between seven and eight. The cafeteria is upstairs." Marissa opened the desk drawers and saw some paper and pens. "There is stationary in the desk so you can write letters. There are no phone calls or visitors the ten days. However you are allowed to write anyone you wish and we will mail as many letters as you wish." He paused and set a piece of paper on the desk, "Here is your treatment schedule. You have tutoring after breakfast tomorrow morning and your intake evaluation after lunch."

"No bedtime?" Marissa sarcastically asked as she fell back onto the little bed.

He smiled understandingly, "No ma'am." He pointed to the light switch and a little red button next to it. "Press this button if you need anything. I'll leave you to get acquainted to the facility. The first and second floors are open to patients, the third for is for therapy. There is a courtyard, but you're not allowed outside for ten days."

Marissa nodded and laid down on her bed.

"Do you need anything?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I'm David. If you can think of anything let someone who works here know and they'll find me." And with that he left.

Marissa shimmied under the blankets on the bed and took a long nap before getting up. She decided to get acquainted with the facility. She followed a long hallway outside her door and wound up in a communal room. There were couches and chairs around a large plasma TV. A DVD player and XBOX were tucked away in a glass cabinet under the TV. There was a pool table, foosball table, and ping pong table in an adjoining room along with a table and chairs.

There were people shuffling around the common room. None of them looked like what she expected. They all looked normal. They weren't shady looking or homeless. They were just average people with a problem.

Marissa sat in an armchair and faced the TV watching an old rerun of Law & Order with two men who looked like executives and were sitting on a couch. Neither one spoke to her and she didn't expect them to. This didn't seem like the place where you'd want other people to know who you are.

At noon, David walked to the door of the common room and announced that it was lunch time. Most of the people left the common rooms, but Marissa stayed, not feeling anything, especially hungry.

Since no one was left, she reached for the forgotten remote that was on the coffee table and caught a whiff of her sleeve. The smoky smell made her nauseous so she went back to her room.

As she was pulling the jacket off, something fell out of one of the pockets. She slowly picked it up and remember the card Alex had given her the night before. She wasn't going to be able to stop by Alex's bar like she hoped the next time she was in LA. Marissa set the card on the desk and finished changing.

She felt like she needed to write someone. To let them know she was here and that she hated it, but the room didn't smell as bad as she expected and that she couldn't wait to get out. She wanted to talk to someone, but for as long as she had known Summer, she had no idea what her address was and it was the same with the Cohen mansion. The last person in the world she wanted to communicate with was her mother which was the only address she remembered.

Then she remembered the card on the desk. For a few minutes she stood behind the chair and looked at the card, debating in her head. Finally she pulled out the chair and opened the drawer fishing out some paper, an envelope and a pen. She neatly printed the address of the bar on the front of the envelope and Alex's name above it. She didn't know if Alex would respond, Marissa needed to feel a connection to the outside world.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex was lugging a huge case of beer up the stairs that were behind the bar half an hour after she got out of class. As she stocked the bar, she went over the lecture in her head. Keeping her grades high enough to keep her scholarship was getting near impossible with the number of hours she worked.

"Mail," the mailman called through the open front door of he bar.

Alex stood from behind the bar and smiled, "Thanks."

He walked in and handed her the mail as per usual. "Have a nice day Alex."

"Thanks," she answered as started going through the mail. It was the usual bills and solicitation from liquor companies. One thing stuck out as unusual. There was a hand addressed letter with her name on it. Nothing in the mail to the bar ever had her name on it, she had a PO Box for her personal mail. The stamp in the corner just had an address, not a name of where it came from. She knew the part of the down the address was in. It was a fairly nice part of town, half commercial, half residential.

She took the mail into her office through the door behind the bar. She dropped the mail for the bar on the desk and opened the peculiar piece of mail. When she opened it, she saw it was a handwritten letter. Not knowing who writes letters anymore she looked down at the bottom. Her heart almost stopped when she saw the little heart at the bottom of the page followed by the name Marissa.

Upon second inspection this was definitely Marissa's handwriting. Alex quickly folded up the letter and put it in her back pocket. Then she went to the front door of the bar that she left open for air circulation during non-business hours and closed it, securing the deadbolt in place. Then she went back to her office and went up the narrow stairs that opened up to the left side of the office. There was a landing with another door at the end. The blonde bartender opened the door and walked into a huge open room with a queen sized bed on one side and a small kitchenette on the opposite wall. There was a door to the bathroom on the left of the kitchenette. The large windows and high ceilings let in a lot of light, but the building was old and sometimes the wooden floors creaked. Alex was glad that the owner of the bar let her live upstairs for free, but that also meant whenever there was a problem at the bar there were knocks on her front door at odd times.

Alex fell back on her bed and started to read the letter.

Alex

I know this is probably a surprise or shock or something like that. I haven't written a letter since like first grade, but that's all I can do where I am. This morning my mom dropped me off at a rehab in LA. I'm not exactly sure where it is, but I guess it doesn't matter right now.

I've seen on TV and stuff that one of the steps in recovery is making amends and I thought I'd get a head start. The first person I thought of was you. I'm sorry for the mess I made of our relationship. You deserve better. On the way home I think I heard Seth say something about you going to UCLA. That's really cool. I've always sort of admired you because you do everything on your own and you don't ask for help. I've missed handing out with you because you're so different from what I'm used to. Not bad different. You're stronger and more independent. Which is very cool.

Anyway, I hope you don't mind me writing you. You can write back if you want. I'm at the Mayfield Rehab Center.

Marissa went on the explain her experience so far and talk about the facility and her schedule. She told Alex that she was going to have a tutor in the mornings and that in ten days she could have some visitors and go out into the courtyard. At the end of the letter Marissa apologized again for not contacting her sooner and that running into her at the Halloween party was a good thing. Alex smiled when she read that Marissa didn't have any music and it was like torture. It was signed with a small heart and then Marissa's name.

Alex sighed and folded up the letter. She was surprised that Marissa was in rehab and that she wrote a letter to her. The blonde thought for a moment and leaned over her bed, digging in her backpack. She pulled out a spiral notebook and a pen to write Marissa back.

They went on like that writing to each other for about a week. Alex had found out Summer's address and had given it to Marissa, but Marissa had only written Summer once.

Marissa told Alex everything that was going on with her therapy and the people she was meeting. Marissa went on to explain how the food tasted, what kind of selections there were, and how good she'd gotten at video games by playing the two business men during free time.

Alex kept the letters in a shoebox at the top of her closet. She was surprised that she had been getting a letter everyday. There was something classically romantic about corresponding via snail mail. Alex was excited when the mailman came everyday and she locked up the bar so she could go up to her room and read it. She would write back immediately and take it to the closest post office.

The withdrawals Marissa had been going through were excruciating. She'd have night sweats and she wouldn't be able to sleep. The migraines were the worst, but somehow Alex's letters were comforting. With every witty remark, Alex's letters would make Marissa laugh and momentarily forget the pain she was in.

Marissa was hesitant to suggest that Alex come visit her, but she mentioned something of the sort. When Alex was receptive, Marissa suggested that Alex come visit her after the tenth day. Marissa was so nervous as to what Alex would say, but she never got another letter. She was scared that she had overstepped a line, but on the tenth day of her treatment while she was sitting on a bench in the courtyard, something pleasantly surprising happened.

"Is this seat taken?"

Marissa looked up and saw her ex-girlfriend. "You came."

Alex smiled and sat down, putting a purple gift bag between them, "And I came bearing gifts." In all honesty, Alex was surprised at how pale Marissa looked. Her usual sun kissed skin was replaced with that of someone who rarely went outside and wasn't eating enough. Alex used a smile to hide her worries, but she wished there was something more she could do.

"You didn't have to," Marissa beamed, completely elated.

The blonde just shrugged, "They're essential."

Marissa pulled the tissue paper out of the bag and pulled out a black iPod and a brownie. Alex laughed at Marissa's stunned state. The blonde stopped laughing when Marissa threw her arms around her neck.

"Thank you," Marissa quietly added when she pulled away.

"Don't worry about it," Alex smirked, "I told you they're essentials."

"I could have just had Summer bring my iPod when she comes in a few weeks," Marissa ran her fingers over the shining screen.

"You could have, but…let's face it. I have way better taste in music than you," Alex smirked.

A laugh came from the younger girl and she bumped Alex's shoulder, "Whatever."

Alex stayed for as long as they facility administration let her, which was until ten pm. They had sat in the courtyard for seven hours talking and laughing. They had some deep conversation and joked around.

When a counselor came outside to tell Marissa it was time to come inside, Alex was laying back on the bench with her head on the armrest, her legs were steepled over Marissa's and Marissa had wrapped her arms around Alex's knees, resting her cheek on the denim covering Alex's knees.

"Are you going to come back?" Marissa asked at the front of the facility.

"If you want me to," Alex kicked at the ground.

"It would be nice," the taller girl honestly replied.

The blonde smiled, "I'll be back tomorrow. Do you need anything besides clothes?"

"You don't have to bring me clothes," Marissa smiled, "I can deal with what my mom packed me."

"I'll bring you something tomorrow," Alex chuckled and pulled Marissa into a hug. When she pulled away Marissa was quiet, "Sleep well."

"You too," Marissa replied. She watched Alex walk out the front doors and into the night. Marissa smiled and walked back to her room for a long peaceful night's sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

When Marissa walked into therapy the next day, she sat on the chair as usual and David sat behind his formidable desk.

"Good afternoon," he smiled at her.

She smiled back, "Good afternoon."

"I heard you have a friend visit yesterday," David told her.

Marissa nodded, "Alex."

"Is she a good friend?" he asked, inquisitively.

"A great friend."

He nodded again, "Is she going to be a good catalyst for your recovery?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Marissa's smile faded instantly.

"I'm just asking that if she'll be good to be around once you are released from here," David explained.

"Of course she will," Marissa stood up, in full defense mode, "She's the only person that's ever believed in me. She's the only person that never laughs when I tell her what I want to do with my life no matter how many times it changes. She takes care of me and she wants the best for me."

"What does she do?" he asked, "For a living?"

Marissa knew that question was coming and she felt that somehow David already knew. "She goes to UCLA and she's a…bartender."

"Hmm," he wrote something down on a legal pad.

Marissa was furious, "She's not going to do anything to hurt me. I've never felt as safe around anyway as I have around her. When I was with her we only drank when her friend were over. She's so supportive and we talked about me being sober a lot today and she told me that if I need anything from her she'll find a way to get it to me."

"You lived with her?" he asked.

She finally sat back down, "Yes. We were dating."

"Why aren't you dating anymore?" David continued writing.

Marissa looked at her shoes and answered, "I got scared." Then she shook her head, "What does that have to do with anything? The choices I make when I leave are mine. Alex wants to help and she know what will and won't help."

David smiled, "I know. I talked to her before she went to see you. She's a very smart young lady and she's very concerned with your wellbeing. I think she will be very conducive to your rehabilitation."

"You talked to her?" Marissa asked, "What else did she say?"

David chuckled and continued the therapy session.

Later that afternoon, Marissa was sitting in courtyard looking at the sky.

"That one looks like a pineapple."

Marissa smiled and looked over at Alex who was looking at the cloud before looking down at Marissa.

"Why didn't you tell me you talked to David?" Marissa asked, watching Alex take a sip of the soda she brought with her.

"It didn't seem important," Alex shrugged, "I also got search and they smelled my drink. It was weird." She took another sip of her soda, "And they went through the clothes that I put on your bed."

"I told you not to get me clothes," Marissa couldn't squash a smile.

"Yeah well I do what I want," Alex smirked, "And no one tells me what to do."

Marissa laughed, "Oh yeah right."

"I'm a badass," Alex leaned back.

Marissa laughed harder.

Alex just sat back and smiled, enjoying the laughter. When Marissa calmed down she looked at the book between them. "College math for business and economics?"

"I have a test tomorrow," Alex replied, "I accidentally grabbed that when I was getting out of the car. That book has gone everywhere I have today."

"That's great," Marissa ran her hand over the book, "I think it's really cool that you're going to college."

"Well it was that or bartend for the rest of my life," Alex ran a hand through her hair, "It's fun now, but…I don't see myself doing that in five years."

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" Marissa asked turning to face Alex.

Alex sighed, "Um…I don't know. Just something different. More stable. Not living above a bar and working all the time."

Marissa nodded, "Cool."

"What about you?" Alex took another sip of her drink.

"I have no idea what I want to do," Marissa tilted her head, "I guess that's something I should figure out huh?"

"You have time," Alex touched her arm.

Marissa looked down at her arm and Alex retracted it almost immediately. She wrapped both hands around her drink and took a long sip.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Alex asked casually.

"Better now that I have the iPod to drown out the snoring of the guy across the hall," Marissa mentioned.

Alex smiled, "Good."

They continued talking like that had the day before. They relived some of the good times they had when they were together and imagined their futures. For their futures, Alex saw a beach with clear blue waves and a surfboard and Marissa saw a platinum card with no limit.

Marissa found that she could loose herself in just looking at Alex. The little things that Alex does were cute or interesting or adorable. She remembered discovering all these little things when they were together, but didn't remember that she loved them until now.

A few hours into their visit Alex's phone rang. She answered it immediately, "Hello?…no way…really?… fine I'll be there in half an hour…bye." Sh leaned back on the bench and sighed, "I'm sorry, but I have to go."

"It's okay," Marissa tried to hide her disappointment, "Are you coming back tomorrow?"

Alex smiled and nodded, "Yeah."

Marissa stood with Alex and initiated a hug. "Thanks for coming. It means a lot."

"No problem," Alex relished the embrace. When she realized she was enjoying the hug a little too much, Alex pulled away, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Great," Marissa wrapped her arms around herself and watched Alex walked away. Then she sank back down on the bench and contemplated why she was so disappointed in Alex's departure.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't know what happened to my story but I was going over it and found that a chapter I wrote was missing. It is now in the right place and hopefully I posted Chapter 3 and it disappeared instead of me forgetting to post it at all. I apologize if anyone missed Chapter 3. I rather enjoyed it. I blame midterms for my complete incompetence. They're over now so I'm as sane as I was before. Thanks for reading.

* * *

She had had been shaking all night. A cold sweat coated her whole body and if she was strong enough to stand she would have taken a show, but the violent shaking of her body and sudden weakness were making even the simplest tasks impossible.

She did manage to move as far as the edge of the bed to throw up in a bucket next to her bed. When the nurse had brought it earlier

Marissa sat on the bench in the courtyard while the rain poured around her. The tree she was under kept her mostly dry, save for a few rain drops that fell past the barrier of leaves. She hoped that the rain wasn't going to keep Alex away. It was a little chilly outside and Marissa wrapped the newly washed black hoodie around herself.

Just as this thought passed through her mind, she saw the door to the building open and Alex step out, but stopping under the awning. She looked like she was soaked, her white hoodie sagging on her thin frame. Her hood was up, but her hair had snaked out from under it in the front causing the tips to get wet as well. The bottoms of her jeans were soaked almost all the way up to her knees.

"It's raining!" Alex called to Marissa.

The younger girl smiled, "Really?"

Alex exaggerated an eye roll and looked both directions before sprinting to the tree. She sat next to at her usual spot on the bench and wrapped her arms around herself. "It's cold out here."

Marissa smirked, "How'd you get so wet?"

"I had to park at the back of the parking lot," Alex answered, pushing some wet hair out of her face.

"Aw," the brunette scooted closer and slid her arm under Alex's arm, linking them together.

Alex was primarily grateful for the warmth and secondarily thankful for the close proximity to Marissa.

"We can go inside," Marissa offered.

The blond shook her head, "No. I'm okay."'

Marissa scooted closer so that their sides were flush. "How was class?"

"I almost fell asleep," Alex answered, "I need to find something I like and declare a major so that all my classes aren't boring as hell." She looked over at Marissa who was leaning on her a little more than before, "Are you okay?"

The taller girl nodded, "I just haven't been getting a lot of sleep myself."

"Maybe you should go take a nap," Alex suggested, understanding why Marissa wasn't getting much sleep.

"No," Marissa shook her head, "I'm fine." She laid her head on Alex's shoulder, "Just poke me if I fall asleep."

The blonde leaned back on the bench so that Marissa could get more comfortable.

__

So this is it, the feeling that I've missed

A subtle kind of pain that keeps me from sleep

I try to explain how you touch drives me insane

And I can't spend a night without wishing I was with you

Alex closed her eyes knowing that she missed this. She missed touching Marissa and just being around her. It was like her own addiction. She wasn't sure if hanging around Marissa was the best thing to do, but it was the only thing she wanted to do.

__

I wanna tell you a secret

And leave it on your lips

Wanna sing it through your body

Wanna tell it through this kiss

If I told you my secret

Would you swear to keep it?

Would you swear to keep it?

"You're too quiet," Marissa told Alex with her eyes closed, "Start talking."

"Yes ma'am," Alex raised an eyebrow and looked down at the younger girl.

Marissa giggled, "I didn't mean it like that. Tell me about all of your classes or something. Or work. Tell me about your day."

"Well my day started with coffee, the breakfast of champions," Alex recited while Marissa snuggled deeper into her.

__

Watching you dance and seeing you smile

Still getting butterflies every once in a while

Feelings exist I'm falling

Twist on lust

A choice to care

A wish to touch

When Marissa started trembling about ten minutes after the bartender had finished recounting her day, Alex decided that going inside wasn't an option anymore. Beads of sweat appeared on the younger girl's forehead as Alex essentially carried her inside. There were a few looks from other patients, but the facility staff was nowhere in sight.

"Bucket," Marissa muttered when they got to the room and she fell onto the bed.

Alex immediately spotted the bucket and handed it to Marissa who proceeded to empty her stomach into it. The blonde picked up a hair tie off of the desk and pulled Marissa's hair back right before she heaved again then she walked into the bathroom and returned with a wet washcloth.

Marissa fell back onto the bed and pulled off her hoodie. Alex sat down next to Marissa and gently wiped her face with the cloth.

"Sorry," Marissa whispered, her eyes half open and her head pounding.

Alex gently smiled, "It's okay. It's not like I've never seen you puke before."

The brunette slightly smiled. "Thanks." She closed her eyes because the pounding in her head was starting to get worse.

After looking around the room, Alex walked over to the window and pulled the curtain shut, making the dimmer. Marissa opened her eyes again and smiled, "Thanks."

"You can stop thanking me," Alex replied, walking around the room picking up the clothes on the floor and tossing them into a pile by the door.

"Then you can stop picking up after me," Marissa tilted her head down so she could see Alex better.

"Sorry," Alex sat at the foot of the bed, "Habit."

Marissa put the washcloth over her eyes and after a long pause she smirked, "I can't believe you put The Cranberries on my iPod."

"You love it, don't lie," Alex chuckled.

The brunette slightly lifted the washcloth so she could see Alex, "I think that's you."

"Well it was an accident," the blonde smiled, "I promise I will never again put The Cranberries on your iPod."

Marissa closed her eyes and felt Alex start to rub her back. There was nothing quite as soothing as Alex's fingers lightly gliding across the material of her shirt. Well, unless they were gliding along bare skin, but now was no time for that.

"I think I'm gonna go so you can sleep," Alex quietly offered.

Marissa shook her head which caused it to hurt more. "Stay? Please?"

The blonde bit her lip while she was thinking about the choices. She glanced at the door like she expected it to open, but when she looked back at Marissa, Alex smiled, "Okay."

They sat in silence while Alex rubbed Marissa's back and watched her slowly slip into sleep. Five minutes after she was sure Marissa was asleep, Alex carefully stood up and walked out the door.

As she walked out the door, she bumped into David. As she apologized, he smiled.

"It's not a problem," he added, touching her arm, "Is Marissa okay?"

"She's just sick," Alex explained, "It seems like withdrawal symptoms, but she's already been here for a while. What's going on?" She crossed her arms, shifting her weight from one foot to another.

David nodded, "Well when Marissa came in she still have alcohol in her blood and withdrawal doesn't happen for someone who drinks like her until all the alcohol is out, which in her case has taken a while. I'm afraid they're only going to get worse for the next few days."

Alex swallowed hard, "Oh."

"You're still welcome to visit," David explained, "But she may not be very talkative."

The blonde thought it over, but didn't take long to answer, "I'll be back tomorrow."

David grinned, "Good. I think having someone like you supporting her is helping tremendously."

"Really?" Alex asked, surprised.

He nodded, "I'll see you at visitor hours tomorrow."

"Same time?" she asked.

"Yeah. Three o'clock everyday except Sunday when it starts at noon," he explained.

"Okay,' the bartender nodded, "I'll be here at three." She took out her keys and walked out the front door.

When Marissa woke up, she turned to the doorway and saw Alex standing there in a bikini top and board shorts. Her hair was wet, like she'd been in the ocean and her feet were bare.

"What are you doing here?" Marissa sat up, surprisingly feeling no pain at all.

Alex smiled, "I'm taking you home."

"Home?" Marissa asked then looked at the window and saw that it was sunny outside.

"Yeah," the blonde moved to the bed and sat next to the Marissa. She brushed some hair out of her younger woman's face and leaned forward until they were breathing the same air.

"Wha-," Marissa's breathing got shallow and her mind got foggy so her mind went back to her pervious thought, "Home?"

"To our apartment," Alex smirked and moved forward painfully slow, "Comfortable couch, more comfortable bed, pink laundry…" With the last phrase she closed the distance between them and her lips brushed against Marissa's. It was so light that Marissa barely felt it on her lips, but the rest of her body felt it like a ton of bricks. Her eyes slid closed as she sank into the kiss.

Marissa finally pulled away and opened her eyes. When she did, no one was in the room. She looked around wondering if this was some kind of joke. Then a wave of nausea crashed over her and she darted for the bathroom.


	6. Chapter 6

"I was hallucinating?" Marissa asked David at her daily therapy session.

He nodded, "It's a common symptom of withdrawal. As is your nausea, chills, nausea, insomnia, and tremors. I'm going to ask you to leave your door open when you're in your room because there is a chance you could have a tonic-clonic seizure and we'd need to know."

"A seizure?" Marissa's eyes widened.

"It's a slim chance, but there is still a chance," he explained, "I told you about the possible symptoms on your first day."

She paused, "I don't remember that."

"You were still fairly drunk," David looked Marissa dead on as he let out the last sentence.

Something about the way he said it made Marissa feel guilty and she didn't like that feeling. Especially when her head was already pounding and she had her arms crossed to she couldn't see the tremors running through her hands.

"What were you hallucinating about?" he asked gently in a voice reserved for therapists and kindergarten teachers.

She shook her head, "It wasn't important."

After scribbling something down on his legal pad he continued.

She grumbled the rest of the way through the session, not being entirely cooperative. When David excused her, he sighed and watched her walk out.

Three o'clock was approaching at a snail's pace. After lunch, Marissa sat in a lecture about addiction that she wasn't interested in in the least. As soon as she could she b-lined for the courtyard and waited in the crisp, clear day.

Marissa was lost in thought when a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Hey," Alex smiled tiredly and sat down.

Marissa smiled back, "Hey."

"How are you?" the blonde asked casually. She leaned back on the back of the bench.

The taller girl took a minute to survey the bartender. Her hair was back and she was wearing a simple pair of jeans and a white v-neck shirt which was framed by a black hoodie. She looked exhausted which was further illustrated by the dark circles under the eyes and the red of her eyes.

"You look tired," Marissa offered. She brought it up because she really cared and also because she didn't want to have to bring up the hallucinations just yet.

The blonde nodded, "I had a long night."

"Really?" Marissa asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Alex answered, "After work I crammed from three am to seven am and then went to class, took a test and then passed out on a couch in the library for a few hours."

"Sounds fun," the younger woman smirked.

"Tons. I get to do it again Thursday," Alex chuckled, "How are you? How long did you get to sleep?"

"I don't know how long I slept," Marissa shrugged, "I woke up a few times…" she decided to breech the topic with a hint of a smile so that it would be a lighthearted conversation, "… and had a few hallucinations."

"Hallucinations?" Alex asked, "Like purple dragons and elves?"

Marissa full on laughed, "No. Nothing like that. It seemed so real."

The bartender suppressed a yawn, "Was it a person?"

A nod came from Marissa. She wasn't going to offer any information on the vision, but if Alex asked she wasn't going to lie.

"Who was it?"

"You."

"Me?" the blonde asked, surprised.

Marissa nodded, "You looked like you just walked in from surfing."

"Go me," Alex grinned, "What did I say?"

"Nothing much," Marissa replied, knowing that this could end in an awkward silence.

The UCLA student accepted what Marissa said and leaned forward with her forearms on her knees.

"You okay?"

Alex smiled and nodded, "Yeah. I'm just tired and worried about this test tomorrow. I've never missed a class and I still don't understand a thing the professor has been saying. She writes numbers and symbols on the board, but it might as well be Klingon."

"Klingon?" Marissa asked with a small smile.

"Hey, it was the first thing that came to mind," the blonde smirked.

"Now I know what you and Seth had in common," she teased.

Alex laughed and Marissa absorbed the sound. The bright smile brought back some of the hallucination like it was a good dream. It was a sort of déjà vu.

Alex's eyes traveled from the ground to Marissa. Her smile immediately faded. Marissa had gone pale and looked nauseous. She immediately stood and took Marissa's hand, "Let's go inside."

Marissa nodded the wave of nausea crashing over her. She was getting tired of going from fine to vomiting in a matter of minutes.

Alex did mind holding back Marissa's hair as her ex emptied her stomach. She was just worried. Marissa seemed to be getting thinner and there wasn't much of her to begin with.

When she was done, Marissa flushed the toilet, brushed her teeth and stumbled to the bed with Alex's support. The blonde went to the bathroom and got a wash cloth wet, returning to the bedroom to sit with Marissa. "You okay?" she asked, gently handing over the cloth.

The brunette nodded, "I just want to stop puking. I never puked this much when I was drinking." A soft touch on her arm caused Marissa to look into Alex's eyes. The color seemed to come straight from an Arctic glacier in the current light.

"It's better this way," Alex earnestly told her, "Besides it won't last for very much longer."

They looked at each other for a considerable amount of time before Alex took the cloth that as no longer warm and went back to the bathroom.

Marissa looked down at the blanket under her and started picking at it, incessantly in a single place. She didn't know what had come over her, but she couldn't help herself.

"When is your mom coming?" Alex asked from the bathroom. When there wasn't a response she stepped out of the bathroom and looked at Marissa.

She looked back up with a distant look in her eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Marissa nodded.

"Did you hear me?" Alex stepped back into the bathroom and turned off the water.

Again there was no response.

"Marissa?" the blonde tested.

Nothing.

Alex walked out of the bathroom and to the door, seeing a distant look in Marissa's eyes. She opened the door and flagged down a nurse-looking woman that was walking by.

"There's something wrong," Alex stated motioning behind her, "She can't hear me when I'm not in the room."

The nurse nodded sternly and called an orderly. They both walked into the room and moved the seemingly catatonic Marissa into a laying position on the bed, each one on a different side. Then that's when it started. Marissa's whole body seized up, every muscle in her body becoming ridged. Next convulsions overtook her.

Alex was shocked and found herself with her back against the wall opposite Marissa's bed. Her body seemed to be trying to get away from the scene by pressing against the wall, but her eyes wouldn't move away from the girl convulsing on the bed.

And just as quickly as it began, it stopped. The nurse and orderly covered Marissa in her blanket and turned to Alex.

"She's fine. It was just a tonic-clonic seizure," the nurse explained, "It happens sometimes in extreme withdrawal cases. You did a good thing in calling us." She touched Alex's arm, seeing the tears in the young woman's eyes, "She'll be fine. She's just sleeping now. When she wakes up she'll be tired, but normal."

"Will this happen again?" Alex asked, meekly.

"It may or may not," she glanced back at Marissa who was still in her bed, "But what's important is that she's okay."

Nodding numbly, Alex watched the nurse and the orderly walk out as tears silently trickled down her cheeks. That was the most heart-wrenching, nerve-wracking thing she'd ever seen in her life. Not that a seizure was terribly traumatizing, but watching it happen to Marissa made the gravity of the situation a hundred times more painful.

After a quick run to her Jeep, Alex had books spread across the foot of the bed where she had taken up residence, keeping a watchful eye on Marissa while studying. When visiting hours were over she begged, pleaded, and made deals with the staff so she could stay until Marissa woke up. She was hell bent on making sure the younger girl was okay.

As the numbers on the page started swimming, Alex closed the book and looked at Marissa who had turned on her side and was facing the window.

She situated herself on her back, laying at the foot of the bed, holding a book over herself. It wasn't long before she too was asleep, with the book resting on her chest and her legs hanging off of the bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Marissa started waking up around six-thirty in the morning, feeling physically exhausted, but mentally wide awake. As she moved to roll onto her stomach she accidentally kicked something at the foot of her bed. When she looked down she was surprised to find, Alex passed out on a tiny portion of the bed with an open book starting to slide off of her chest.

The position the blonde was in didn't look comfortable in the least. Marissa sat up, gently removed the book and ran her hand across Alex's stomach while whispering the bartender's name.

Blue eyes slowly fluttered open and Alex smiled, "How do you feel?"

"I'm tired, but okay," Marissa replied. She looked around and saw Alex's book strewn from the desk to the bed, "What happened?"

"You had a seizure," Alex sat up on the bed, facing Marissa, "You've been asleep since about five yesterday."

"You stayed?" the brunette asked, looking at the blanket under her.

Alex nodded, "Seeing you like that was…scary. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Marissa smiled, "Thanks."

The student stood and started gathering her books, "It was no problem."

"Maybe you could stay for breakfast?" Marissa offered.

After she zipped up her bag, Alex slung it over her shoulder and smiled, "I wish I could, but I don't know if I'm going to have time to get a breakfast taco before I have to book it to class."

"Oh," the younger girl stood up, "Well when am I going to see you again?"

"Today if that's okay?" Alex raised an eyebrow, "Same time?"

Marissa grinned, "Perfect." She stepped forward and hugged Alex, loving the way Alex felt under her arms.

"Get some rest today," Alex held Marissa tight, "And if you start to feel like you did yesterday get a nurse from the hallway."

"Got it," Marissa didn't want to let go, but it felt like time. She watched Alex walked out the door before taking off the outer layer of her clothes, crawling back in bed and going to sleep.

As Alex exited her last class of the day, she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. Without looking at it, she answered with a standard hello.

"Hey baby," Parker answered brightly, "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in like a week."

The blonde moved through the sea of people and started the long trek to her Jeep. "Yeah, I've been really busy."

"How'd your tests go?"

"I don't know," Alex sighed, "I think I did okay on my Brit Lit test, but I'm nervous I'm not going to pass math."

"Well worst case, you can drop that class," Parker suggested, "Retake it later on."

"I guess," the blonde, "I just don't want to have to take it again. I've already come this far. I want to pass that stupid class."

Parker laughed, "That's my little overachiever. If you need help I'm sure you could find someone to help you. I'd offer, but I hate math and barely passed the math class I took."

"I'm sure I'll figure something out," Alex sighed as she started up the stairs of the parking garage.

"I'm sure you will," Parker replied, "So I was wondering what you're doing tonight at like nine?"

The blonde trudged up the stairs, "The same thing I do every night at nine."

"Well maybe you could take some night off this week and we can go out," Parker offered, "I miss you."

Alex nodded, "Yeah. That'd be good. I need some time off."

"Sunday night," Parker stated, "You, me, and complete relaxation."

As she got to her car Alex started digging in her backpack for keys, "Sounds great."

"I'll pick you at Sunday at eight?"

"Yeah," Alex answered throwing her backpack into the backseat and hopping into seat.

"See ya babe," Parker replied and hung up.

The young bartender started her Jeep and pulled out of the garage. She was starting to feel guilty for not telling Parker about Marissa. But it didn't seem like it was important. It was like two different worlds. With Parker it was a public life. They were students and they had all of LA as their world, but with Marissa the rehabilitation center was their world. Inside, Alex felt like there was nothing outside. It was just her and Marissa in the courtyard or Marissa's room. She didn't know how long she could keep the two worlds separate, but she was going to try as long as possible.

"Hey," Alex smiled to the receptionist who she always passed on the way in.

The receptionist smiled back, "Good afternoon Ms. Kelly."

Marissa was sitting at the same place under the same tree that she was under everyday. There was something comforting about the fact that Marissa would be there everyday.

"Do you ever sleep?" Marissa asked Alex as the blonde sat down. Marissa was taking up a small place on the bench and turned her head to look at her friend.

Alex smirked, "Do I look that bad?"

"No," Marissa immediately answered, slightly panicked, "That's not what I meant."

"I know," Alex nudged Marissa, "It was a joke."

"Oh," the younger girl nodded, "Okay." She leaned into Alex, feeling unusually tired although she slept halfway through her tutoring session.

The college student enveloped Marissa in her arms, instantly concerned, "Are you okay?"

"I don't…I'm scared," Marissa sighed, trying to get used to the feeling of safety in Alex's arms.

"Of what?" Alex asked. If it turned out to be a person, then Alex was going to make sure they were hurting soon.

"I'm starting to feel things now," Marissa said in a quiet voice, "When I was drinking…everything was dumb and moving slow… I didn't want to feel anything…Everything hurts now."

Alex held her tighter. She had known this day was coming. She had been warned by David along with her own experience with friends that drank too much. Marissa was finally coming down to earth and she was going to hit it hard.

"It's gonna be okay," Alex stroked Marissa's hair, "It just takes some getting used to."

"It's weird," Marissa continued talking, "Now I can see how people were really treating me instead of my shallow alcohol coated version of how they were." Marissa situated herself so that she was laying down on the bench with her head in Alex's lap.

Alex looked down at Marissa and stroked her hair. She wasn't going to probe any farther. She knew that if Marissa wanted to tell her anything, she would tell her in her own time.

"Summer's been such a great friend and I take her for granted constantly," Marissa sighed, with her eyes closed. She loved the feel of Alex's fingers running through her hair. "And Seth is actually funny sometimes."

"Agreed," Alex smiled down at her ex.

"And Ryan…" Marissa paused while Alex internally cringed, "He didn't treat me that well. He's just so…blah."

"How descriptive," Alex smirked.

Marissa opened her eyes and swatted Alex arm, "I'm doing my best here. I'm having a hard enough time keeping my breakfast down."

"Okay," the blonde nodded, "Fair enough." She ran her fingers lightly through Marissa's hair again.

"And you," Marissa's eyes slid closed, "You were so good to me. You took care of me better than anyone else ever has. I'm sorry I didn't see that earlier."

Alex let what Marissa said sink in before answering, "I'm sorry I didn't see that you needed more help than I could give you."

"That wasn't your responsibility," Marissa shook her head, "Besides, you're the only visitor I've had since I've been here and you come everyday."

Alex didn't really know what to say at that point. At some point Marissa had mentioned that her mother was coming, but Alex didn't know when and she was, as far as she knew, the only visitor Marissa had.

Marissa looked up at Alex who was staring off into the distance. "You know, maybe after I get out of here you could give me a tour of UCLA. I haven't thought about where I wanna go to college yet."

"I'd love to," Alex smiled down at Marissa.

The younger girl took Alex's hands and threaded their fingers together, closing her eyes again. Something about touching Alex's skin was exponentially comforting.

Something felt so right about sitting there with Marissa and Alex knew it. Their intertwined hands rested on Marissa's chest, right over her heart. She was surprised that she wasn't nervous. Usually being this close to Marissa caused some sort of physiological effects on the bartender, but right then he didn't feel anything but relaxed.

"Marissa?" a voice came from the entrance to the courtyard.

Both girls immediately looked at the source of the voice and all the relaxed stated that Alex was in disappeared. It was replaced with panic.

"Mom?" Marissa sat up and looked to Alex, "What day is it?"

"Friday," Alex answered.

"Oh," Marissa stood up as her mother neared.

Julie eyed Alex for a moment before hugging her daughter. Extremely uncomfortable, Alex stood and picked up her keys off of the ground.

"I'm gonna go," Alex told Marissa after her mom let go.

Marissa glanced at her mom before taking a step with Alex away from her mother, "Are you coming back tomorrow?"

"If you want me to," the blonde answered.

The brunette smiled and slid her arms around Alex's neck, pressing their bodies together. "Please."

Alex closed her eyes, absorbing the feel, "Okay. See you tomorrow."

When Marissa pulled away, Alex glanced at Julie, "Nice to see you again Ms. Cooper." She half waved at the shocked Newpsie before walking out of the courtyard.

"What is she doing here?" Julie asked Marissa, bewildered.

Marissa sat down on the bench with her mother. "She comes to visit me."

"Since when?"

"Everyday since I was allowed to have visitors," Marissa answered, "She's been really supportive."

"Uh," Julie stuttered because she had no idea what to say to that. She was a little annoyed that Alex was back, but if she was supporting Marissa through this hard time, she didn't see how she could be mad at the young woman. So she took a deep breath and changed the subject, "How's the food?"


	8. Chapter 8

Alex had books scattered around the room, most of them open to a certain page so she could reference them as she was writing her paper. She had no idea what time it was or even what day it was. She just knew that her professor had given the class until this afternoon to turn in the paper, due to an overwhelming number of unprepared students the day it was originally due. Alex was one of those students. Although her excuse was better than the majority excuse which consisted of beer pong and a frat house.

She was reading out loud, but the words were so mumbled they were incomprehensible. Soon her thoughts became incomprehensible so she wrapped up the paper as best she could and passed out on top of her pile of books.

When she woke up, she realized the sun was shining and jumped out of bed.

"Whoa there Hondo," Parker smirked from the floor where she was sitting with Alex's laptop in front of her, "It's only seven fifteen. You're not late."

Alex sighed and fell back into bed. She frowned when she hit her head on the spine of a book and retaliated by throwing it on the floor, "What are you doing here?"

"Right now I'm doing your works cited page," Parker replied, "And wondering how you got all these book from the library to your car and up the stairs."

"Very slowly," Alex rolled onto her stomach and rested her forehead on her forearms.

"I brought breakfast tacos," Parker picked up a brown paper bag off of the ground next to her and tossed it at Alex. It landed on Alex's back and slid onto the bed.

Alex smiled weakly, "Thanks." She sat up and started getting her breakfast out, "How did you get in?"

"I shimmied up the drain pipe," Parker grinned.

Alex knew by the grin that Parker was lying, but she decided to play along, "Must have been difficult."

"Definitely," the brunette nodded, "Especially with the tacos."

Alex started scarfing down her breakfast while Parker saved Alex's paper onto a flash drive.

"You left your spare keys in your office," Parker stated, closing the laptop and starting to gather the books.

"Are you going to campus today?" Alex asked as she reached for a water bottle on her nightstand.

Parker nodded, "Saturday study group."

"It's Saturday?" Alex asked, double checking on her phone.

Parker raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. She continued to gather books while Alex ate.

Once Alex was done, they took off for the UCLA campus. Alex took her Jeep instead of riding with Parker like they usually did. Parker was confused about this, but didn't ask any questions.

When they got to campus, they walked to the quad hand in hand and parted ways at the building Parker's study group was in. Alex walked by herself to her professor's office to turn in the paper and then head to the library to study.

After Parker's study group was over, she texted Alex and they met for lunch in a sandwich shop across the street from campus.

"How were your midterms?" Parker asked between bites.

Alex swallowed what was in her mouth and answered, "I think I did okay. You?"

"I know I bombed one of them, but my other grades should save me," Parker shrugged. She watched Alex for a moment before asked, "Have you been eating?"

"Yeah," Alex raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Because you're eating like you haven't seen food in two weeks," the brunette stated, "And you inhaled those breakfast tacos this morning."

"Oh," the bartender put her sandwich down to wash it down with her soda, "I have no idea. I'm just starving."

"Oh my god you're pregnant!" Parker pointed her finger at Alex.

For a moment Alex thought the accusation was serious, but then Parker cracked a smile. Alex laughed and Parker couldn't stop herself from joining.

When Parker had to go to her next class, they went their separate ways. A hug and a kiss served as their goodbye.

Alex had to admit to herself that working and going to school full time was starting to wear her down. She was tired all the time and when she was in class she was anxious most of the time. She was glad that there was one thing never had to worry about. Since she was working and going to school all of the time, she didn't have any time to spend the money she was making so her bank account was growing.

But still, the stress of maintaining her grades and managing the bar was starting to get to her. When she pulled to a stop at a light, she pulled her hair back and looked at herself in the rearview mirror. The dark circles under her eyes were undeniable. She was glad that tomorrow was Sunday and she had cleared the day so she could sleep in.

One thing that did relax her was walking into the rehab center. It was starting to become like a second home. She knew a few people on the staff who were very friendly and Marissa was always in the courtyard waiting. It was a nice feeling.

In here, she wasn't constantly thinking about her grades or if there was enough scotch behind the bar. She could live in the moment and not feel bad about it.

"Hey," Marissa smiled as the blonde neared.

"Hey," Alex smiled back, "How was your visit with your mom?"

Marissa shrugged, "It was okay I guess. Slightly awkward."

About fifteen minutes later, they had settled into a comfortable silence. Marissa was laying with her head in Alex's lap and Alex stroked her hair. It all seemed so easy and natural.

"Have you been to the beach lately?" Marissa asked.

Alex looked down at the brunette, "Not in a few weeks."

"I had a dream about the beach last night. When I woke up I realize how much I miss it," Marissa sighed.

"Can you leave here?" Alex asked, "For the day or a couple hours or something?"

"I don't know," Marissa shrugged, "I haven't been asking a lot of questions. I've been sleeping and throwing up most of the time."

"It'll get better," Alex looked down at the younger girl.

"That's what they keep telling me." Marissa didn't sound so convinced.

Alex wished that there was something more she could do. She asked David last time she was here, but he told her she was already doing a lot. Alex certainly didn't feel like she was doing a lot.

They sat in relative silence, each in their own heads. Alex looked down at Marissa a few minutes later and saw that Marissa had fallen asleep.

A few minutes later, Alex woke up Marissa and helped the zombie-like girl to her room and into bed.

As she was walking out, Alex saw David in the hallway. He smiled politely, "Hello Ms. Kelly."

"Oh hey," she replied and then remembered she was going to ask him something, "What's your policy on…fieldtrips?"


	9. Chapter 9

As she was walking to breakfast, Marissa saw David in the hallway. He had a clipboard in his hand as he was making his morning rounds. As usual Marissa politely waved and expected the same. But he stopped when he saw her and smiled, "How do you feel today?"

"Better," Marissa answered, honestly. She felt like she had more energy than she had in a while and she was starting to see things how they were as opposed to her alcohol shaded netherworld.

"Good," David looked behind him for a moment before looking back at Marissa, "After breakfast I'm going to need you to go to the nurse for a drug test."

"Drug test?" Marissa asked, wondering how he could think she was doing drug inside of a drug treatment facility without anyone else knowing.

"It's standard procedure for day trips," he had a kind smile on, "You'll have to take one when you get back.

"Where am I going?" Marissa asked, bewildered.

"I've been asked not to tell you," David touched her shoulder, "But I'm sure you'll have fun."

Marissa raised an eyebrow as he walked away. She was almost positive her idea of fun differed from his. She hoped she wasn't going with any other patients. It wouldn't be fun then. Just awkward.

After a light breakfast, Marissa reported to the nurse for her drug test and, just like she knew, it was clean. She was given a neon orange plastic wristband that the nurse told her was to indicate to the security guards at the front door that she was a patient and could be let in if she returned a little late.

Then the nurse sent to her to the waiting room. As she sat there, she wondered what was going on and if she was going to leave before Alex showed up. She didn't want to miss her daily visit.

She watched a few people come in to visit a patient. They surrendered their keys, driver's licenses, and were patted down. Then they had to sign in and wait to be let in. Marissa wondered if Alex had to go through that all the time to get in. Marissa smiled thinking that Alex went through all that to see her. She was definitely going to take Alex out to dinner a few times when she got out of here.

She flipped through an old issue of Cosmo while she waited and wondered who or what she was waiting for. A few people were moving around her, but Marissa was fairly focused on reading.

"Ms. Cooper," the person at the front desk called.

Marissa looked up and saw Alex standing at the front desk, signing some piece of paper. She was wearing jean shorts and a light jacket. Her hair was put up although a few strands were loose as usual.

"Hey," Alex smiled when she saw Marissa.

"Hey," Marissa answered and almost started to explain that she was about to leave before the man at the front desk addressed Alex.

"I'll need your right hand," he told her.

She pulled up her sleeve and offered her right hand. He put a plastic wristband on her that matched the one on Marissa's wrist.

"David told you all of the rules yesterday?" he asked, sitting back down behind the desk.

Alex smiled and nodded, "Yeah. Is this it?"

He nodded, "See you later."

"Thanks," the blonde turned to Marissa and asked, "Ready?"

"I guess," Marissa answered, "Where are we going?"

"Fieldtrip," Alex started to make her way to the door and Marissa followed. From the front door, Marissa could see two surfboards sticking out of the back of Alex's Jeep.

When they got to Alex's Jeep, Marissa found there were already three people sitting in it. Summer and Seth were sitting in the backseat and Marissa recognized Parker from the Halloween party in the front passenger's seat. Summer was in a bikini top and shorts as was Parker. Seth was wearing swim trunks and a muscle shirt.

Summer jumped out and hugged Marissa. "Hey," the short girl started talking, "How are you?"

"I'm good," Marissa smiled from ear to ear.

Seth got out behind Summer and opened his arms. Marissa stepped into his arms and accepted the hug. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Alex invited us to a day on the beach," Summer answered getting back into the backseat. Seth got in behind her and Marissa sat behind Parker in the backseat. Summer set a bag in Marissa's lap, "I got you a swim suit. You can change when we get there."

"Thanks," Marissa looked in the bag. She looked at Alex who had jumped into the driver's seat. The blonde glanced back at her with a smile on her face which Marissa reciprocated.

As they pulled out of the parking lot, Parker's phone rang in her lap. She answered it quickly, "Hey…yeah…we're on our way…that sounds great…hold on a sec." Parker looked at the backseat and asked, "Some friends of ours are getting lunch. What do you guys want?"

"Anything is good," Summer shrugged.

Parker turned more and looked at Marissa. She smiled kindly, "Anything you've been craving lately?"

Marissa thought for a moment. All the food she had been given at the rehab center had been fairly healthy and there was variety, but there had been one thing she was craving hard for the past few days, "Pizza. If it's not too much trouble."

"Pizza," Parker said into the phone as she turned around in her seat, "Alright. See you there." She hung up and tossed her phone into the cup holder between her and Alex.

It wasn't long before they reached the beach. Marissa looked out over the water and loved the feel of the unobstructed sun on her skin. Alex drove along parallel to the beach until the beach disappeared by walls of trees. A few minutes after that, she turned on to a dirt road that was cut between the trees and followed it until they hit sand. It was a gorgeous secluded piece of beach that was surrounded by trees on two sides and a massive set of rocks on the other..

"Wow," Seth looked around, "How did you find this place?"

"I ran out of gas on the highway and walked down here hoping that there was a house," Alex turned the jeep off and got out, pushing her seat forward to Seth could get out.

Parker let Marissa and Summer out before going to the back of the Jeep and getting out some towels. Just as she was spreading a few of them on the sand, music blaring preceded the roaring engine of the truck rumbling down the small dirt road.

The windows were down and all four windows were rolled down revealing three shirtless guys and a girl in a bikini. There were surfboards stacked in the bed of the truck, sliding from one side of the truck to the other as the driver pulled to a stop.

When the engine cut off, so did the music. All four doors opened and everyone jumped out. The lone girl in the truck was carrying six boxes of pizza.

The group convened at the tailgate of the truck which had been let down and the pizza placed on it.

"Too you guys long enough," Parker teased as she opened the box on top.

"Well you know how long Ray takes in front of a mirror," the girl in the truck smirked.

Alex walked over with Marissa, Summer, and Seth in tow. She introduced the Newpsies and then her friends. The only girl in the truck's name was Ginny. She was about the same height as Alex with slightly shorter blonde hair. The three guys were Kevin, Ray, and Evan.

It wasn't long before two of the guys and Alex were on the water surfing and Kevin and Ginny were on the beach playing Frisbee with Seth.

Marissa had changed into the bikini Summer bought her and was laying on a towel between Parker and Summer, soaking up as much sun as possible.

"It's perfect outside," Parker commented.

"Mhm," Marissa murmured as she watched Alex behind the sunglass she had borrowed from her blonde ex.

Summer looked over at her best friend, "How's school going for you?"

"It's really easy," Marissa shrugged, "My tutor says I'm ahead. Because of the immense boredom, I actually do a lot of schoolwork."

"Are you thinking about college?" Parker turned to Marissa.

Marissa looked back, "I think so. I don't know what else to do after I graduate."

"UCLA is a great school," Parker told her, "I'm sure Alex would be happy to show you around."

"I've been thinking about that," the brunette offered.

Summer looked up into the sky, "I've already applied at UCLA and Berkeley. Plus some other ones that my dad insisted on."

"Watch out!" Seth called. The girls looked up to see a Frisbee flying at them. Summer reached up and blocked it from it hitting her in the head. She tossed it back.

"Watch it Cohen," Summer warned.

He smiled at her and she rolled her eyes at her inability to stay made at him. Once he was back to playing Frisbee, Summer looked out on the surf, "Alex is really good."

Marissa smiled, "Yeah." She forgot how much she missed how free Alex looked while she was surfing and how freeing it was just watching.

She watched Alex surf all the way in to the beach. Alex seemed to feel it and looked back at her. The blonde grinned and Marissa couldn't stop a huge smile from gracing her face. Alex looked down and picked up her surfboard, shooting one last glance at Marissa before heading out into the waves.

"So how long has Alex been going to see you?" Parker asked, trying to be nonchalant, but in reality she was dying to know. Alex had just told her yesterday that she'd been visiting her ex in the rehab center. She wanted to be mad at the blonde, but the look of complete devastation on her girlfriend's face when she described what Marissa was going through, made her heart melt.

Marissa wasn't sure what to say. She didn't know what Alex had told Parker and didn't want to get her only regular visitor in trouble so instead of the number of days Marissa knew by heart she just sat up from her blanket, "I'm not really sure. When you're stuck in a place like that they days just sort of blend together."

Parker just nodded, accepting the answer because she didn't know what it was like in a rehab facility and had no reference point as to where Marissa was coming from.

"I'm sorry I haven't come to see you more," Summer offered touching Marissa's hand, "I'll start coming more often. I promise."

"It's okay," Marissa smiled at her best friend, "I know you're busy." Marissa knew they had a heartfelt conversation coming, but this didn't seem like the time or place so Marissa set aside everything she wanted to tell Summer for the next time Summer came to visit.

The surfers in the group came walking up with beach. One of the guys was getting a piggy back ride from Alex and the other guy was hitching one from Ginny.

"Alright," Ginny finally stopped by the truck, "Off."

The guy on her back slid off and Alex shortly dumped the guy off of her back. The blonde grabbed a slice of pizza before walking over to the sunbathing girls, "We're going to bury Seth in a minute. Who wants to help?"

"You're going to what?" Seth asked, walking up behind her.

Alex donned a wicked grin, "We're going to bury you in the sand."

"I want to help," Summer stood up.

"Summer!" Seth nearly shrieked, "How could you?"

Summer walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, "C'mon, it'll be fun."

He looked from Summer to Alex to Marissa and then back to Summer, "Fine."

It wasn't long before set was waist deep in sand and they were still pushing sand onto him.

As everyone was helping, Marissa stepped away from the group and started to walk down the beach toward the rocks. Alex noticed and trotted after her.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked.

"I'm escaping," Marissa smirked, "Tijuana sounds good."

"You can escape later," the blonde chuckled, "Preferably sometime when I'm not in charge of returning you."

Marissa paused, "Thanks for doing this. I don't know how you managed to get them to let me out, but really, thanks."

"It was no problem," Alex smiled, "Well except for the convince your mom it was a good idea part."

"You talked to my mom?" Marissa asked.

The blonde nodded, "Since you're still technically a minor you can't leave without her consent. I called her and we talked for a while and she decided it may be a good idea as long as you were returned in the same condition you left in."

"It means a lot that you did all that," the brunette looked at Alex, "And it means a lot that you go through all the stuff that you do to come see me everyday."

Alex shrugged, "I enjoy it. I feel really…calm there. Most of the time I'm really stressed about work or school or something."

Marissa took a chance and linked their arms together, "I'm glad I could help. I'll try to get sent back to rehab around finals."

Alex chuckled, "How about we just have lunch around finals?"

"That would be great," Marissa smiled. Then the smile faded. "We're still going to be friends when I get out of rehab and go back to Newport right?"

"I'm sorry I'm only friends with people in rehab," Alex teased.

Marissa laughed and disengaged their arms, "Okay fine." She glanced at the cliff that was hanging over the water. "If you beat me to the top of the cliff, I'll come up to UCLA and take you to lunch after I get out of Mayfield. And if I beat you, you come to Newport and we go out to dinner and you spend the night."

Alex raised an eyebrow, but nodded, "Sure. Let's do it."

"Ready, set, go!" Marissa jumped up on the rocks before Alex got a chance to get ready.

"No fair!" Alex called, laughing as she started climbing behind Marissa.

All the way up, Alex would catch up with Marissa and almost pass her before slowing down. She had already made up her mind that she was going to let Marissa win. She had climbed this rock hundreds of times and knew the shortest, fastest way up. She told herself that she was going to let Marissa win because it would be easier for her to drive to Newport with her flexible schedule than for Marissa to drive to LA because the taller girl's school was over later.

When Marissa got to the top, she laid down on her back and took a few deep breaths. She didn't usually exercise much at all and wiped her out.

Alex easily hopped up on top of the cliff and smiled at Marissa, "You beat me."

"I don't think you tried," Marissa propped herself up on her elbows.

"I did," Alex lied, "My shorts just got caught." She offered her hands to Marissa. Marissa took them and let Alex pull her up.

Marissa walked to the edge and looked at the water below. "Have you jumped off of here?"

"All the time," Alex smiled, "Are you going to?"

The brunette crossed her arms, "I don't know. It's kinda far."

"I'll go first," Alex offered, stepping to the edge and looked down.

Marissa shook her head, "Go with me."

The bartender smiled sweetly, "Okay."

She turned around as Marissa walked to the edge. Marissa looked down one more time and instinctively took Alex's hand.

Alex looked at Marissa and her breath caught in her throat. Marissa timidly looked at the ground then up at Alex who was looking at her.

"You don't have to," Alex quietly assured Marissa.

The younger girl shook her head, "I want to."

"Okay," Alex took a step closer to the cliff so that her toes were dangling off, "You can count."

Marissa took a deep breath, "One." Deep breath, "Two," Another deep breath, "Three."

When she said three, she took a step off of the cliff with Alex. The air rushing around them was euphoric. Marissa couldn't help but laugh out loud.

It was only a few seconds before the water swallowed them whole. Their hands were still clasped together until they broke the surface.

"That wasn't so bad, huh?" Alex asked as she swam backwards in front of Marissa back to the beach.

"Show off," Marissa splashed her.

Everyone played around for a few more hours before the sun touched the water on the horizon. Everyone packed up before the sun was all the way down and everyone stood between the vehicles saying their goodbyes.

Parker told Alex that she was going to ride with Ginny and the guys because she had an early class. Alex nodded and told her she understood. Parker wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and held her for a few moments, breathing her in and reveling in the feel of Alex's arms around her.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked pulling away to look at Parker's face.

Parker force a smile and nodded, although she wasn't really okay. She brought Alex in for a long, soft kiss and hugged the blonde again before climbing into the truck.

Marissa subtly watched the interaction and a twinge of jealousy sounded through her whole body. She knew it wasn't her place and that Alex wasn't hers anymore, but seeing Alex kissing someone else made her skin crawl.

Alex drove the three Newpsies to Mayfield and walked in with Marissa, promising the two in the backseat she wouldn't be long.

"You're driving them back to Newport tonight?" Marissa asked as she and Alex walked up the stairs to the front door.

Alex nodded, "They have school in the morning and it's not that far."

"You should stay in my room at my house," Marissa offered, "It's dark out and that road is…dangerous."

"I really don't need to," Alex opened the door for Marissa, "I'll be fine." She punctuated that sentence with a yawn.

"You're tired," Marissa pointed at Alex, "You should really stay in my room. I'll call my mom right now and she'll leave the door open so you can go in when you get there."

"Your mom and I are not the best of friends," the blonde reminded Marissa.

"C'mon Alex," Marissa turned to the blonde, "Since she put me in here, she's been way too nice and I've had no way to take advantage of it until now."

Alex smiled, "So now I'm just a pawn in your game?"

"No," Marissa took Alex's hands and pleaded with her eyes, "Please? So I know that you're safe. Do you know how devastated I'd be if you got hurt in a car accident that could have been prevented if you stayed in my room? And it would all be my fault?"

The blonde sighed, "Talk to your mom first. If she says one mean thing though I'm not staying."

Marissa hugged Alex and walked to the front desk. She asked the guard on duty if she could use his phone and he smiled as he handed it to her.

"Hey mom," Marissa said into the receiver as Alex signed some more papers and let the security guard cut the wristband off of her. "Yeah, I'm fine…I had a great time. It was so much fun….Yeah I was actually calling because Alex has to drive to Newport to drop Summer and Seth off and I think it's too far, late, and dark for her to drive back…that's what I was thinking." She smiled at Alex who was done signing Marissa back in. "She'll be there in a couple hours…Thanks mom. Love you…Bye." Marissa hung up the phone, "I told you it was a good idea. She suggested it herself."

"Really?" Alex asked.

Marissa nodded.

The blonde looked skeptical, but knew that she most likely would be too tired to safely drive home. A day of surfing usually wore her out.

"Thank you so much for today," Marissa wrapped her arms around Alex's neck, "I really needed it."

"I'm glad you had fun," Alex smiled into Marissa's hair.

"Are you coming tomorrow?" Marissa asked, quietly not wanting to push Alex into coming after she just planned the most amazing day.

The blonde's reply came lightly, "Don't I always?"

Marissa beamed and pulled away to look at Alex. It took all of her willpower not to kiss the blonde standing in front of her. It made her wonder what happened to them before. She hugged Alex one last time before she walked out of the center and Marissa walked back to her room.


	10. Chapter 10

After Alex dropped Summer and Seth off, she slowly drove to the Cooper estate. She parked in the driveway next to a Porsche and Marissa's Mustang. She cut off the engine and slowly walked up the stairs to the front door. She rang the doorbell and uncomfortably waited by the front door.

She realized that Marissa was dead on when she said that she was going to be too tired to drive back safely. Alex was about to pass out on the front porch.

The front door swung open to reveal Julie Cooper in a lacy black nightgown and a purple silk robe. Alex tried desperately to keep her mouth closed. She had never seen Julie Cooper in so little clothes.

"Hello Alex," Julie opened the door wider, "I'm sure you remember where Marissa's room is."

"Yes," Alex nodded and stepped inside with her hands in her pocket, "Thank you, Ms. Cooper."

Julie nodded and closed the door behind Alex, "Uh, I wanted to thank you for what you're doing for Marissa. I know I can't be there all the time, but it's good to know someone else can."

Alex bashfully smiled, "It's really no problem."

Julie locked the door and starting walking off. "If you need anything…the maid will be here in the morning."

"Thanks," Alex watched her walk off before slowly walking up the stairs to Marissa's bedroom.

The room looked exactly like it did the last time she saw it, except the bed was made. She was so exhausted she didn't hesitate to shed her board shorts and turn off the light on the way to her bed.

As she sank into Marissa's bed, she inhaled deeply. The whole room smelled like Marissa, but the bed especially. It was like Marissa was right there laying with her.

When she woke up the next morning, light was pouring through the slits in the curtains. Alex rolled onto her back and took a deep breath. This bed was probably the most comfortable bed she'd ever been in, which made it hard to want to leave.

She finally got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. After looking at herself in the mirror she pulled her hair back and rinsed her face. Then she went to Marissa's room and found some of her old jeans in Marissa's closet.

When she was finally presentable, Alex walked downstairs and as she was about to walked out the front door. "Alex?"

The blonde turned around and saw Julie Cooper looking like she stepped out of a magazine as usual.

"Are you leaving already?" Julie asked, "I was hoping that you would stay for breakfast and tell me a little about how Marissa is doing. She didn't talk much while I was there."

Alex closed the door and nodded, figuring she owed it to Julie for letting her stay. She wasn't going to reveal anything Marissa wouldn't want her mother to know.

Julie lead the way to the kitchen. She motioned for Alex to sit on one of the stools at the counter. The blonde complied and watched Julie move around the kitchen, getting some orange juice and setting it in front of her.

"Thanks," Alex resisted raising her eyebrow and smelling the orange juice to make sure orange juice was the only thing in it.

"Do you want something for breakfast?" Julie asked. Her voice wasn't polite like most people's would be when offering a guest breakfast. It seemed far off an distracted. After studying the older woman for a few seconds Julie did look like she had been losing sleep.

"No thanks," Alex shook her head. She took a sip of her orange juice. At least it tasted normal.

Julie leaned on the counter, opposite Alex. "Who do you two do when you visit her?"

For a moment Alex panicked, but she realized Julie's tone wasn't accusatory. "Um, we mostly just sit in the courtyard and talk," Alex offered, "There's not really much to do there."

"Is she mad at me?" Julie asked as she looked at her hands on the counter.

"She was at first," Alex replied, "But I think she understands why you put her there now."

"Good," Julie nodded weakly, "Does she need anything? Clothes or anything?"

The blonde shook her head, "I don't think so. I took her some clothes a couple weeks ago. You might want to ask her though."

The eldest Cooper nodded, "I will." She looked at Alex, "How is she doing? Withdrawal-wise?"

"She's…" Alex paused and ran a hand through her hair, "She had a seizure a few days ago. "

Julie nodded, "I know about that. David called me to be sure it was okay that you spent the night in Marissa's room."

Alex's eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. That was definitely not one of the things she was going to include in her report.

"He said that you fell asleep on the foot of the bed with books everywhere?" Julie questioned.

The young bartender nodded, "I had midterms that week."

"You go to school?"

"UCLA," Alex took a sip of her orange juice.

"Wow," Julie looked genuinely impressed, "Good for you. I guess I probably shouldn't keep you anymore. I'm sure you have class."

Alex glanced at the clock on the oven behind Julie. She had plenty of time to get to her next class if she left right then, "Yeah. It's always hell finding somewhere to park."

Julie walked to her purse that was on the kitchen table and pulled out a card, "Will you please call me sometime? Just to let me know how Marissa's doing. She won't really talk to me. David tried to keep my up to date, but I think you're the closest person to Marissa now. And can you tell her that I'll be up there to visit her tomorrw?"

Alex took the card and nodded. She knew how worried she was about Marissa and Julie was her mother. It must be ripping her apart.

"Thank you," Julie told her.

They walked to the front door together and said goodbye. Alex was happy to be in the sanctuary of her Jeep. Being around Julie when she's being nice was very uncomfortable. At least when Julie was being conniving, Alex knew how to deal with her.

Traffic was light compared to what it usually was and Alex was able to get to class right as the professor walked in.

Marissa sat on her usual bench listening to the iPod Alex had given her. The sun was shining and it was a fairly nice day. She was looking up at the sky, watching the clouds change shapes while she was deep in thought.

When she finally looked away from the clouds, someone else on the bench next to her made her jump. Alex laughed as the sudden movement and Marissa removed her headphones. "You scared me. How long have you been sitting here?"

"About a minute," Alex grinned, "What were you thinking so hard about?"

"You actually," Marissa replied with a coy smile.

The blonde raised an eyebrow, "Me?"

"Yeah," Marissa nodded, "See, there's this party thing that the rehab center is throwing Friday night. It's something about showing us that we can have fun and be sober at the same time. Anyway, we can invite one person and I was wondering if you'd want to come? It'll be totally lame, but we get to dress up and drink punch that hasn't been spiked and listen to crappy music all night."

"I was sold at totally lame," Alex smirked.

Marissa laughed, "Really? I'm not like, cutting into your social life?"

"Before I started to come see you everyday, my life was work and school," Alex explained. "I was working, studying or sleeping all the time."

"Which one of those are you missing to be here?" Marissa bit her lip.

Alex shrugged, "A little of all three. But like I said, being her makes me calm. When I step outside, I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown."

Marissa saw the twinkle in Alex's blue eyes to let her know that the last part was a little exaggerated. "All the time huh?"

"Yup," Alex nodded with a smirk, "Every second of everyday."

"Maybe you should be committed," the younger girl subtly scooted closer to Alex, "And studied."

"I'll keep that in mind," Alex leaned back on the bench, "Oh yeah. You mom told me to tell you that she's going to visit tomorrow."

Marissa was conflicted, but let out a smile. She sort of did want to see her mom, but she didn't want to miss her Alex time. "Okay. Was she nice to you?"

"So much so, that it was extremely uncomfortable," Alex answered.

Marissa laughed again. The rest of the visit went on like it usually did. Alex did notice how much more Marisa was touching her and how close she was sitting. She also noticed that she liked it. Marissa's presence was just as intoxicating as it was the last time she was with Marissa.

The visitation time came and went as it usually did. Marissa talked a lot about getting out of there and how much she was going to come visit Alex.

Alex hoped that all this talk was true. She hoped that Marissa really did want to stay in contact when she got out of here. They had become so close so fast and it seemed like their previous relationship. It burned so hot and so fast that it burned out.


	11. Chapter 11

The night of the alcohol, drug-free party had arrived and Alex had taken what she considered a ridiculous amount of time getting ready. She looked at herself in the mirror. The idea of a themed party seemed lame when she first, but the theme could have been a lot worse. James Bond wasn't as bad of a theme as Hawaiian night or something like that. Going as her favorite villainess seemed like a good idea, but she was wondering if her one shouldered, pale blue dress was too much. She wasn't entirely clear on the dress code, but her dress was a little tighter than the one Miranda Frost wore in _Die Another Day_ and complimented Alex's toned surfer body perfectly.

Marissa looked at herself in the small mirror in her bathroom. Her purple backless dress was definitely reminiscent of Vesper Lynd, but she wasn't sure anyone would get the costume. Alex was really the only person she was worried about impressing.

A knock on the door tore Marissa away from the mirror. She walked to it and opened it. She stopped cold when she saw Alex standing there with a dress that matched her eyes. Her hair was down, straightened, and perfect.

"You looked great," Alex smiled, "Casino Royale?"

"I didn't think anyone would know," Marissa grinned.

"Well I take my Bond Girls very seriously," Alex stepped in.

Marissa looked her over again, "You look amazing."

The blonde looked down and hid slightly behind her hair, "Thanks." Alex brushed the hair out of her face, "Um, David told me that we should get out there before all the food is gone."

"I'm sure it will be. It's catered," Marissa pulled on her shoes and followed Alex out the door, "The food in the cafeteria gets old fast."

They mingled around for a few minutes, before walking to the other side of the courtyard where the bench they usually sat on was. The staff had hung Christmas light in all of the trees and it lit up the courtyard with a soft light. There were long tables at one end of the courtyard and as promised most of the food that was put on them was gone.

As they sat, soft music played around them. Somehow the air around them got awkward. Both girls coming to a realization at the same time caused the silence around them.

Alex looked at Marissa in the twinkle of the Christmas lights and knew she had fallen for her all over again. She thought that Marissa had too, but she wasn't going to ask or make a move. She did all of that last time. Besides, this time she had Parker to think about.

Marissa looked at Alex and wondered what she was thinking. She had been quiet for a really long time. She looked at the couples dancing around in the courtyard and then back at Alex. "Do you want to dance?"

"Huh?" Alex asked, snapping out of her thoughts. She was sure she knew what Marissa said, but wanted confirmation.

"Dance with me," Marissa offered her hand to Alex.

Alex looked around them and saw that for the most part they were isolated, under a drooping tree. She was trying to decide how to handle the situation. She knew dancing with Marissa to this awfully slow song was going to end horribly and fantastically all at the same time. In the end, she looked up and saw a gentle smile on Marissa's face then put her hand in Marissa's.

Alex slid her hands onto Marissa's hips on instinct and the younger girl smiled before moving them to her shoulders. Marissa placed her hands on Alex's waist and looked into the icy blue eyes, probing them for exactly what Alex was thinking. She didn't know when it happened, but at some point she had fallen for Alex. This time she fell farther and harder than last time, wholly and completely. And she'd spent restless nights in her bed, trying to find a way to let go of all this emotion. She would tell herself Alex had a girlfriend. A nice, smart, beautiful girlfriend. And she'd tell herself that she hurt Alex before and she didn't deserve a second chance. But part of her hoped for something more than a three hour visit everyday. More than sitting under a tree and having polite, shallow conversations.

Alex's eyes seemed to be able to open a floodgate of emotions in Marissa's body so she closed her eyes and leaned forward slightly until their foreheads were touching.

The blonde closed her eyes for a completely different reason. She was trying to control her heart's rapid beating and her quick shallow breaths that had erupted when Marissa touched her.

__

I know that song makes you think of him.  
And it tears me to know that you still might go back again.  
Please hear me calling you.  
I want you to know that it's true,  
I can't live without you.

Neither one of them heard it because they were in their own world, but a crash a thunder sent all of the other people inside. They were alone, swaying to an internal soundtrack in the courtyard. Another distant rumble of thunder sent a small trickle of rain over the courtyard.

They stood in the middle of the courtyard with rain pouring down on them just swaying with their eyes closed. Both wondering what was going to happen next.

_So take my hand, may I have this last dance.  
'Cause it's raining outside and we don't live forever,  
So take my hand.  
_

Marissa had decided what to do and she knew that part of her way planning to do this for a long time. She opened her eyes and saw Alex's face, slightly tilted down and her eyes were still closed. After looking over the flawless face, Marissa closed the gap between their lips.

_Give me your heart girl I will keep it safe and sound.  
I promise I will never let it hit the ground.  
I'll keep it all patched up so you will finally see.  
That me and you girl we were always meant to be.  
_

Alex knew what was coming before she felt Marissa's lips on her own. Something in the back of her mind was screaming at her to stop. To walk away and not look back. But every other part of her body was telling her to stay. The majority won out and Alex sank into the kiss, remembering how Marissa's kisses could stop the world. How the kisses could break her heart and mend it again in a matter of seconds.

_So take my hand, may I have this last dance.  
'Cause it's raining outside and we don't live forever,  
So take my hand._

And I know it may be hard to get through,  
But baby go where your heart tells you to.  
And now there's only one thing left to say,  
Is that you truly make my day.  
So give yourself a smile,  
For doing what you've done.  
I know he tore your heart into pieces.  
But girl I'll fix it up if you want.  


Marissa was scared to pull away. She felt Alex reciprocate her kiss, but that didn't mean that just kissing her out of now where was okay.

She wanted desperately for Alex to feel the same way. The stunt she just pulled was a sink or swim kind of thing. There was no in between. So all she could do was breathlessly wait for Alex's reaction.

_So take my hand, may I have this last dance.  
'Cause it's raining outside and we don't live forever,  
So take my hand. _


	12. Chapter 12

"Alex?" Marissa quietly asked.

The blue eyes darted from the ground to meet Marissa's eyes. She could finally see the array of emotions crossing Alex's face. She looked scared at first. Then she looked worried and confused.

Marissa wanted to know so bad what she was thinking, but she was also scared to know. "Alex." She reached up and gently stroked the blonde's cheek. "Please say something."

Alex took a deep breath, "What…why did you kiss me?"

"Because…" Marissa paused to search for the right words, "I didn't know how else to tell you that…I want to…I want you."

The blonde closed her eyes and broke contact with Marissa completely by taking a step back. "Why now?" She ran a hand through her hair and looked at Marissa to see a hurt look settling on her face. "That's not what I meant." She reached in and took one of Marissa's hands, "I just…I'm the only person you've seen everyday for the past month. What if it's just that?"

"It's not," Marissa stated, matter-of-factly, "I've thought it over and over again. I never stopped wanting to be with you."

Alex raised an eyebrow, "That's a lot different from what you told me a few months ago."

"I don't know what happened," Marissa shook her head, "But I've been missing you since you left."

Finally, Alex realized it was raining. "This is just…a lot to process at once. Right now…I…I can't. There's…there's Parker. She's been amazing to me. I can't just completely disregard that."

"Do you love her?" Marissa asked although something in the back of her mind was screaming at her to stop.

The blonde looked at the ground and kicked at the ground, "I could…eventually."

Marissa was relieved to say the least. She took Alex's other hand, "Eventually?"

Alex looked up and held Marissa's eyes for a few seconds before clutch started ringing on the bench. She sighed and walked to it, brushing the rain off the clutch before opening it. She pulled out her phone and answered, "Hello?…I'm busy…Cody was supposed to cover for me…he is?…" Alex crossed her arms and looked down, watching the rain softly tap on the ground, "I'm on my way." Alex snapped her phone closed and dropped it into her bag.

Marissa was really starting to panic. Alex was about to leave and everything was still up in the air.

"I have to go," Alex told Marissa something she already knew.

The brunette could barely get her voice to work correctly, but she managed to squeak out, "Are you coming back?"

Alex paused and looked at Marissa. She knew the answer before Marissa finished the question, "Of course."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Alex tucked her clutch under her arm. She didn't quite know how to say goodbye, so she just walked off, leaving Marissa standing alone in the courtyard as the rain fell over her.

As the rain beat down on the soft top of her jeep, Alex was deep in thought. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what she wanted to do. She just knew that Marissa had thrown her world off balance and it was teetering on the edge of an ominous cliff.

When she got to the bar, she slipped in the back door and up to her apartment where she changed before going to the bar where there was only one bartender and a rather large crowd. The deftly hopped over the bar and took the first order.

"Thank god you're here," Ginny grinned, "I was dying."

Alex forced a smile, "No problem."

Marissa was still sitting in the courtyard an hour after Alex left. The rain had subsided, but she continued to stare at the sky like it could give her answers. Instead of answers, it gave her a few bright stars that reminded her of nights on the beach with Alex in Newport.

Finally she slowly stood and made her way inside, hoping that she could go right to sleep and not wake up until Alex arrived the next day.

As Alex sat in her class, staring at the board trying to make sense of what the professor wrote. None of it made sense to her. It took her a few minutes to realize that the rest of the class was gone.

The professor smiled at her, "Long day, Ms. Kelly?"

"Long night," Alex sighed. She started packing up her stuff.

"Are you understanding the material?" he asked pushing he glassed up his nose.

The blonde shook her head, "Not really." She stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder, "No offense, but whoever figured that all this math works didn't have a girlfriend."

He chuckled, "Why's that?"

"Girlfriends take up lots of time," Alex flashed a smiled.

Her professor adjusted his sweater vest and leaned back on his desk. "Well I know it may seem weird, but if you ever need to talk to someone, my office door is always open."

"Thanks," Alex made her way to the door, "You may regret that later. My story is long and sorted."

"I'm trying to decode the mystery that is math also, so I don't have a girlfriend," he smirked, "I have time."

Alex laughed, "Thanks."

When she pulled away, Marissa looked at Alex, whose eyes were on the ground. The look on her face was unreadable. Especially because her eyes were downcast. The could feel Alex's hands fidgeting behind her head while she was starting to panic. Maybe the kiss was a terrible idea.

When she pulled away, Marissa looked at Alex, whose eyes were on the ground. The look on her face was unreadable. Especially because her eyes were downcast. The could feel Alex's hands fidgeting behind her head while she was starting to panic. Maybe the kiss was a terrible idea.

"Alex?" Marissa quietly asked.

The blue eyes darted from the ground to meet Marissa's eyes. She could finally see the array of emotions crossing Alex's face. She looked scared at first. Then she looked worried and confused.

Marissa wanted to know so bad what she was thinking, but she was also scared to know. "Alex." She reached up and gently stroked the blonde's cheek. "Please say something."

Alex took a deep breath, "What…why did you kiss me?"

"Because…" Marissa paused to search for the right words, "I didn't know how else to tell you that…I want to…I want you."

The blonde closed her eyes and broke contact with Marissa completely by taking a step back. "Why now?" She ran a hand through her hair and looked at Marissa to see a hurt look settling on her face. "That's not what I meant." She reached in and took one of Marissa's hands, "I just…I'm the only person you've seen everyday for the past month. What if it's just that?"

"It's not," Marissa stated, matter-of-factly, "I've thought it over and over again. I never stopped wanting to be with you."

Alex raised an eyebrow, "That's a lot different from what you told me a few months ago."

"I don't know what happened," Marissa shook her head, "But I've been missing you since you left."

Finally, Alex realized it was raining. "This is just…a lot to process at once. Right now…I…I can't. There's…there's Parker. She's been amazing to me. I can't just completely disregard that."

"Do you love her?" Marissa asked although something in the back of her mind was screaming at her to stop.

The blonde looked at the ground and kicked at the ground, "I could…eventually."

Marissa was relieved to say the least. She took Alex's other hand, "Eventually?"

Alex looked up and held Marissa's eyes for a few seconds before clutch started ringing on the bench. She sighed and walked to it, brushing the rain off the clutch before opening it. She pulled out her phone and answered, "Hello?…I'm busy…Cody was supposed to cover for me…he is?…" Alex crossed her arms and looked down, watching the rain softly tap on the ground, "I'm on my way." Alex snapped her phone closed and dropped it into her bag.

Marissa was really starting to panic. Alex was about to leave and everything was still up in the air.

"I have to go," Alex told Marissa something she already knew.

The brunette could barely get her voice to work correctly, but she managed to squeak out, "Are you coming back?"

Alex paused and looked at Marissa. She knew the answer before Marissa finished the question, "Of course."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Alex tucked her clutch under her arm. She didn't quite know how to say goodbye, so she just walked off, leaving Marissa standing alone in the courtyard as the rain fell over her.

As the rain beat down on the soft top of her jeep, Alex was deep in thought. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what she wanted to do. She just knew that Marissa had thrown her world off balance and it was teetering on the edge of an ominous cliff.

When she got to the bar, she slipped in the back door and up to her apartment where she changed before going to the bar where there was only one bartender and a rather large crowd. The deftly hopped over the bar and took the first order.

"Thank god you're here," Ginny grinned, "I was dying."

Alex forced a smile, "No problem."

Marissa was still sitting in the courtyard an hour after Alex left. The rain had subsided, but she continued to stare at the sky like it could give her answers. Instead of answers, it gave her a few bright stars that reminded her of nights on the beach with Alex in Newport.

Finally she slowly stood and made her way inside, hoping that she could go right to sleep and not wake up until Alex arrived the next day.

As Alex sat in her class, staring at the board trying to make sense of what the professor wrote. None of it made sense to her. It took her a few minutes to realize that the rest of the class was gone.

The professor smiled at her, "Long day, Ms. Kelly?"

"Long night," Alex sighed. She started packing up her stuff.

"Are you understanding the material?" he asked pushing he glassed up his nose.

The blonde shook her head, "Not really." She stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder, "No offense, but whoever figured that all this math works didn't have a girlfriend."

He chuckled, "Why's that?"

"Girlfriends take up lots of time," Alex flashed a smiled.

Her professor adjusted his sweater vest and leaned back on his desk. "Well I know it may seem weird, but if you ever need to talk to someone, my office door is always open."

"Thanks," Alex made her way to the door, "You may regret that later. My story is long and sorted."

"I'm trying to decode the mystery that is math also, so I don't have a girlfriend," he smirked, "I have time."

Alex laughed, "Thanks."


	13. Chapter 13

Parker bit her lip as she looked around the bar. She had some good memories in this bar. All of them were involving Alex. She took a long, deep breath to calm herself down. She could feel the burning behind her eyes. The sting of unwanted tears welling up in her throat.

__

I think I've already lost you

I think you're already gone

I think I'm finally scared now

You think I'm weak

I think you're wrong

Parker walked over to the bar and ran her hand over the smooth wood. She could feel Alex slipping away. Alex told her a sterile emotionless version of what happened between her and Marissa. She knew it hurt Alex profoundly and could tell by the way Alex gave a shorthand version of a relationship that lasted months.

__

I think you're already leaving

Feels like your hand is on the door

I thought this place was an empire

Now I'm relaxed, I can't be sure

This bar had become like a second home to her. She had spent so many nights here. Either drinking with friends, flirting with the hot blonde bartender, or just hanging out with Alex. She knew it so well that she had used to spare key, hidden on top of the breaker box in the unnoticeable utility closet next to the back door, to get in.

She walked to the bar and grabbed a napkin and a pen. After a short note to Alex, asking her girlfriend to meet her at their favorite spot in the park by her apartment.

Parker walked into Alex's office and dropped the note on her desk. She knew Alex would see it immediately.

__

And I think you're so mean.

I think we should try

I think I can need this in my life

I think I'm just scared

That I think too much

I know it's wrong, it's a problem

Parker walked back into the bar. She could see Alex working behind the bar, but occasionally looked her way and smile or wink. Parker couldn't stop a smile. Alex was always so good to her. So sweet, so caring, so understanding, so affectionate. When they would fight, which was rare, Alex would apologize if she was wrong and show up with flowers or take Parker out to dinner.

They had done a lot of growing up together. Parker had watched Alex because someone she knew she would fall in love with.

__

I'm feeling if you're gone.

Maybe it's time to come home, oh come home.

There's an awful lot of breathing room, but I can hardly move.

But there was always something in the back of her mind that told her, Alex was never truly hers. That someday Alex would leave her and all the amazing things she felt when she was with the blonde would be gone forever.

Tears started trickling down Parker's face as she realized that time may be now.

__

If you're gone baby you need to come home, oh come home.

There's a little bit of something in me and everything in you.

She turned off the lights and looked at the door to Alex's office in the light of the open back door. She took a deep breath and wiped the tears off of her face. She decided that whoever said 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' never loved Alex._I bet you're hard to get over._

_I bet the moon just won't shine_

_I bet my hands I can stay here_

_And I bet you need more than mine_

Alex slowly walked toward the entrance of the rehab center. She didn't know what she was going to do or say. She thought about not coming, but she told Marissa last night that she was coming.

After checking in, she went straight to the courtyard where Marissa was sitting on the bench, donning the black hoodie and jeans with her head down and her hair dangling in her face.

Alex was three steps into the courtyard when Marissa looked up at her. Her first instinct was turn and walked right out of the courtyard, but she used the momentum of walking to carry her forward to the bench and sit down.

Neither one could find anything to say for a few minutes, but Marissa finally broke the silence. "How was school?"

"Okay," Alex shrugged, "Except math which was hell."

Marissa opened her mouth to speak again, but stopped when she saw someone else step into the courtyard. Her eyes moved from Alex to the person who was interrupting them.

Alex noticed that Marissa was looking at the door behind her so she turned around. She was never so happy to see Julie in her life.

When the eldest Cooper got close to them, she smiled and looked at the blonde, "Hi Alex."

"Hi," Alex forced a smiled.

"Could you give us a minute?" Julie asked switching her purse from one hand to the other.

Alex stood up quickly, thankful for the way out. She glanced at Marissa, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Marissa was stunned as she watched Alex hurry out of the courtyard and watched her mother sit in Alex's spot.

Alex tiredly walked into the bar and sighed. She knew she was going to have to talk to Marissa eventually, but she still didn't know what she was going to say.

She closed the door behind her and walked into her office. As she was unlocking the door that lead upstairs to her apartment, she saw something on her desk. Alex walked over and saw the napkin, immediately recognizing her girlfriend's handwriting. After she read it, she ran a hand over her face. She'd also been avoiding talking to Parker for very long, which she knew was unfair.

After going upstairs and changing clothes she drove to the park, hoping that her girlfriend hadn't been sitting in the cold for very long.

When she got to the park, she walked down a narrow gravel trail that lead into a mess of trees. After a few minutes, she turned into a clearing and saw Parker laying on top of a tree and under a huge tree. Alex slightly smiled and walked up the hill, then laid down next to Parker.

When she saw that her girlfriend was unusually quiet and the smile that usually resided on her face, was gone, Alex reached over and took Parker's hand, lacing their fingers together. She quietly asked, "Are you okay?"

Parker swallowed hard and tried to squash the tears welling up in her eyes. She sniffled and Alex immediately looked at her. The blonde wrapped her arms around Parker and pulled her close. Parker settled her head onto Alex's shoulder and they laid still, both looking up at the sky for a few minutes.

Parker loved how Alex could make her feel better instantly. She closed her eyes and snuggled deeper into Alex, wanting to always remember this feeling.

The slight smell of Alex's perfume sent Parker over the edge. It brought back a million memories and it was too much. She couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

Alex was getting really worried. She'd only seen Parker cry a handful of times and it was always something really bad.

"What's wrong?" Alex whispered into Parker's hair.

The other girl couldn't gather the words to answer so she just held onto Alex tighter, clutching the back of her hoodie.

Decided that it was getting too cold outside, Alex managed to get Parker into her Jeep and drove to her apartment. She helped Parker up the stairs and laid her girlfriend on the bed. She knelt next to the bed stroking Parker's hair. Whatever was wrong, she wanted to fix it. She'd do anything to make her happy again.

She rested her chin on the bed, just watching Parker. When blood shot, swollen eyes looked back at her, her heart broke. She leaned forward and kissed the girl, trying to draw the pain to the surface so she could take it away.

Alex thought she'd venture another question when Parker's tears turned into sniffles, "What's wrong?"

Parker sat up and took both of Alex's hands. "I didn't mean to start crying."

"It's okay," Alex reassured her, gently wiping some residual tears off of Parker's face.

The older girl looked down at their joined hands and then back at Alex, "I'm losing you."

"What?" Alex asked, trying to figure out what her girlfriend was talking about.

"I can feel it," Parker was again struggling to control her emotions. "The more time you spend with her…I can feel you leaving…"

Alex was stunned. She was at a complete loss. She knew that Parker knew her well, but she didn't know how Parker knew this. Alex wasn't even sure of her own feelings at this point. "What…why do you think that?"

"I saw how you looked at Marissa," tears silently fell down Parker's face, "I've seen that look in a million pictures that I have of us. It's the way I look at you."

Alex couldn't look at Parker's face anymore, knowing that she was the one causing the tears. "I don't…I don't even know what's going on with me anymore." She finally looked up at Parker. There was a small smile on her face.

Parker gently stroked Alex's face, "I shouldn't have brought this up. You'll figure this out in your own time and I support you no matter what you do."

Those words hit Alex like a ton of bricks. It finally clicked for her. It's like two wires finally touched and sent electricity surging through her. She quickly closed the gap between them and captured Parker's lips. The force of the kiss put Parker on her back and pulled Alex over her. They moved farther on the bed as they kiss deepened.

After Parker had gotten her hoodie off and Alex felt Parker's skilled fingers on her back under her shirt, she pulled away slightly and looked into Parker's eyes. "I love you."

Parker was shocked. Alex had never said that before. At least not in a serious way. She didn't have time to answer as Alex's lips were back on hers. She knew this may be the last time she got to touch Alex like this, so she was going to enjoy every second of it.

Alex had no idea what she was going to do after tonight, but she finally knew how she felt about Parker and knew she needed to figure out how she felt about Marissa, before she hurt either one of the girls more that she already had.

Parker closed the door and walked away from the bar, through the cold wind that blew against her. She headed back to her apartment to get ready to meet Alex.

* * *

What do you guys think? Parker or Marissa?


	14. Chapter 14

Sorry it's taken so long. I've been out of town for a while, but I have week or so before classes start and I'm hoping to wrap this story up before then. Thanks for reading.

* * *

When she woke up, her arms were wrapped around Parker. She hadn't slept well at all. She kept waking up, feeling guilty. She wasn't sure what she felt guilty for. Parker was her girlfriend and as far as she knew sleeping with your girlfriend wasn't a crime. So why did she feel so guilty?

Alex knew, she just didn't want to believe it. She didn't want to believe that Marissa had waltzed into her life and stopped everything dead in it's tracks.

She carefully slipped out of bed and put her clothes back on. She leaned over and kissed Parker's cheek who was sleeping soundly.

She walked out the front door of the bar and straight to her Jeep. Alex didn't know where she'd go at five a.m., but she needed to be somewhere else. The thought of driving straight to Mexico and never coming back crossed her mind, but she was almost positive that wasn't the answer to her problems.

The finally ended up at the only place she knew would be open so early after stopping at a gas station to get some coffee. She found an empty couch and laid down, to stare at the ceiling of the library at her school for a few hours before her first class.

"Alex?" a male voice pulled her from her staring showdown with the ceiling about an hour later. She sat up, seeing her math professor.

"Hey," Alex sat up.

"Are you okay?" he asked, ruffling his hair. He looked the epitome of a math professor in khaki pants, dress shirt and a sweater vest. The only thing that was missing was glasses surrounding his deep green eyes. He wasn't all that terrible looking. In fact he was cute in a nerdy way.

Alex shrugged, "How much time do you have?"

He smiled, "None today. I'm researching with a few other professors and grad students later this afternoon."

"So you just hang around the library in the mornings?" Alex asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"No," he shook his head, "I came to pick up a book I had asked for. Turns out they didn't have it." He paused and put his hands in his pockets, "You look like you need some coffee. Let's go to the student union and get some."

Alex nodded, knowing that having someone impartial and purely logical couldn't make her situation any worse.

After she had finished explaining her whole situation over a cup of coffee to Todd, as he insisted she call him, he sat quietly. He finally looked at Alex, "As you've already pointed out, I'm not really good with women." He smiled and Alex smiled back momentarily, "I don't envy you although I haven't had a date in a while."

"I was meaning to ask," Alex took a sip of her coffee, "Why doesn't a smart, good looking guy like you have a girlfriend?"

He gulped, "Well, when women I'm attracted to come along…I lose most comprehensible speech and I fidget."

Alex smiled, "There's no reason for you to. You've got everything any girl could want."

"Really?" he blushed.

The blonde nodded, "I'd totally go for it if I wasn't already spread too thin."

He smiled, "Thank you." Todd took a sip of his coffee, "Well, as far as your problem goes, is there one of them you can see yourself with in the future? After you graduate and get a job and a house and a dog."

Alex stared at the table and pictured herself in a house with a dog and a job. She was laying in a huge bed and when she rolled over she saw long hair and a slender body, but the woman next to her was blurry.

Alex shrugged, "I can see the house and the dog, but the woman in the bed could have been either one of them."

"Maybe neither one is meant to be," Todd hypothesized, "Or both of them are."

"How can both of them be meant to be?" Alex asked.

The professor shrugged, "Monogamy is a fairly new concept."

The blonde shook her head, "That would be weird and bringing that up would probably end up with me needing stitches."

"True," Todd nodded, "Well, I don't know what to tell you. I think your relationships far outnumber mine."

"Thanks for listening anyway," Alex sighed, "I think this is something that only I can figure out and no one can tell me what to do, which for once would be welcome."

"Have you thought about running off to Mexico?" he asked with a slight smirk.

"Actually yes," Alex chuckled.

"You could see which one would come after you," he shrugged, "But you'd be right back where you started if both of them came after you."

"Or if neither one came after me," Alex leaned on the table, "I don't know what to do."

"Well Parker seems like a really great person and Marissa seems like she's grown up a lot since you last dated her," Todd offered. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter, "We could leave it up to probability. Heads Marissa, Tails Parker?"

Alex smiled and stood, "As much as I wish it was that simple, I don't think I'd be comfortable with an outcome determined by chance. Thanks for the coffee, but I need to go think."

Todd flipped the coin, caught it and slapped it onto the back of his hand. He looked at Alex, "Last chance to let fate decide."

Alex picked up her coffee, "Thanks, but I prefer deep, depressing thoughts. I'll see you tomorrow." With that she walked off.

Todd lifted his top hand to looked at the coin resting on top of his other hand. A slow smile took over his face, "Interesting."


	15. Heads

Sorry it's taken so long. Classes and meetings have taken over my life.

This is the MARISSA ENDING. Fair warning. If you want the Parker ending, press the little forward button.

* * *

Marissa walked along the hallways of the rehab center slowly. Normally she was scrambling to get outside and wait for Alex, but she wasn't even sure that Alex was going to come anymore. She didn't want to face the disappointment that would fill her if Alex wasn't there, but she was getting curious to see if she actually came.

Finally she scraped up the courage to at least look out the window. Her heart soared when she saw the back of Alex's blonde head, sitting at the usual bench.

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time_

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way I love you_

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pull me out of time_

_And hung me on the line_

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you_

The younger girl silently sat on the far end of the bench, but Alex felt the shift. She looked over at Marissa and forced a smile, "Hey."

"Hey," Marissa scooted a little closer to Alex, partially seeking warmth in the chilly afternoon and partially just wanting to be closer to Alex. "Are you okay?"

Alex sighed, but nodded, "Yeah."

"Your eyes are red," Marissa commented, reaching up and brushing the back of her fingers across Alex's cheek.

At the touch, Alex closed her eyes. She reached up and stopped Marissa's hand, pulling it down to her lap. The blonde looked at Marissa's hand and ran her own fingers up and down Marissa's palm. "Did you…mean what you said…at the party?"

Marissa nodded and was barely able to choke out a, "Yes."

_ Maybe I'm a girl and maybe I'm a lonely girl_

_That's in the middle of something_

_That she doesn't really understand_

"Everything you said?" Alex asked timidly, finally looking up at Marissa.

Marissa could see insecurity in Alex's eyes. She had a sudden surge of confidence in what she felt, so Marissa held Alex's eyes, "I meant everything I said. I want to be with you. I guess I'm asking for a second chance." She paused, "I know it's not fair for me to ask this much from you. You've already done so much for me." After another deep breath, "I know I messed up before. You're just…way better than I'm used to." After finally realizing how much she was asking from Alex she added, "But you can just forget everything I said."

Alex shook her head, "No. I can't forget what you said. It's been playing in my mind since you said it." About to chance the biggest risk of her life, Alex looked at the ground and quietly added, "I've always wanted to be with you."

_Maybe I'm a girl and maybe you're the only one_

_Who could ever help me_

_Baby won't you help me understand_

"So," Marissa dipped down to catch Alex's eyes, her heart hammering in her chest, "What does this mean?"

Alex shrugged, "I don't know. What do you want it to mean?"

"That after I get out of here," Marissa scooted closer to Alex, "I can take you on a date."

The blonde smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I'd like that."

Marissa almost didn't want to ask, "What about…Parker?"

Alex's smile disappeared, "She broke up with me. We had a long talk about you and how I felt and she told me I should go for it."

"You still want to go for it?" Marissa asked softly.

A small, genuine smile adorned Alex's face, "Definitely."

Marissa slid her arms around Alex's neck and held her close for a few minutes, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Alex replied immediately.

The younger girl pulled away enough to brush her lips against Alex's, hoping to seal their deal with a kiss. Alex's reply was to deepen the kiss, resting her hands on Marissa's waist.

They were both all smiles when the kiss was over. Marissa settled into Alex, resting her head on the blonde's shoulder.

Alex kissed the top of Marissa's head. She didn't know what was going to happen next. She didn't know if Marissa was going to go to UCLA or if she was going to stay in Newport. She didn't know what they were going to do when Marissa went back to Harbor to finish her last semester of high school. But at that moment, Alex didn't care. Being with Marissa again made her feel like everything was right again and her whole world was back the way it should be.

She rested her cheek on Marissa's head and smiled again.

_Maybe I'm amazed at the way I love you_


	16. Tails

Sorry it's taken so long. Classes and meetings have taken over my life.

This is the PARKER ENDING. Fair warning. If you want the Marissa ending, press the little back button.

* * *

After her classes were over, Alex made her way back to the bar for work. She went through the motions, but her empty smiles weren't going unnoticed by her coworkers.

"Why don't you get out of here?" Ginny asked touching Alex's elbow, "It's slow tonight."

The blonde nodded gratefully. "Thanks." She walked into her office and closed the door, shutting out the sound of the bar. She walked up the stairs and trudged to her closet. She needed clarity and the only place she could ever seem to get it in times like this was the beach.

After changing into some jeans, a long sleeved shirt, and a thick hoodie, she took off in her Jeep to her favorite spot on the beach.

The sun was just starting to sink below the water when Alex arrived. She sank into the sand and looked up at the sky. Stars were starting to appear above her. She sank into her thoughts as she stared at the sky. She needed a sign. Something to tell her what she needed to do.

The more she looked into the sky, the more she thought about one of the girls.

__

I'll watch the night turn light-blue

But it's not the same without you

Because it takes two to whisper quietly

She looked at the sand next to her and knew that she wanted one person there with her. Someone who she felt could calm her and who she could talk to freely without feeling judged. Someone who had been willing to take a chance on her.

_The silence isn't so bad_

_'Til I look at my hands and feel sad_

_'Cause the space between my fingers_

_Are right where yours fit perfectly_

_ But drenched in vanilla twilight_

_I'll sit on the front porch all night_

_Waist-deep in thought because_

_When I think of you I don't feel so alone_

"Hey," Parker said quietly with her hands in the pockets of her hoodie.

"Hey," Alex replied. She looked Parker up and down, "What are you doing out here?"

"Same thing you are," Parker took a deep breath, "I came out here to think, but I can leave if I'm cramping your thinking space."

Alex smiled and shook her head. She smoothed out the sand next to her, "You can sit with me. I don't bite."

"Yes you do," Parker smirked and took a seat with Alex.

The blonde smiled, "Okay, but not often."

Parker shivered and Alex remembered her girlfriend's tendency to quickly get cold. The blonde wrapped her arms around Parker and pulled her close.

Parker seemed to hesitate at the touch, but finally eased into it. After a few minutes, Parker slid her arms around Alex's waist and asked quietly, "Are you okay?"

The blonde looked at Parker who was patiently waiting for an answer. She could see the concern in Parker's eyes and warmth spread through her body. "Yeah," She paused, "I'm sorry about putting you what I've been putting you through. It's not fair to you after you've been so good to me."

Alex could see the tears welling up in Parker's eyes as she spoke, "So it's over?"

"What?" Alex asked back bewildered, "I…do you want it to be?"

Parker shook her head.

"Well then it's not," Alex smiled softly and kissed Parker's cheek, "I mean what I said last night. I love you. You believed in me when I was just another drop out. You helped me get my life on track and you loved me when I thought no one else in the world ever would. I love you Parker."

Parker sighed and sunk into Alex's body. "I love you too Alex."

Alex smiled and held Parker tight. Sitting on the beach with Parker, made everything feel right. All the work and the school and her problems disappeared with the rolling tide.


End file.
